Breaking point. I lie here at 2:55 am. While the rest of the world is asleep. My insides in painful knots. My nerves and nails completely shot. Unhappiness and pain all around. Life so intense, in surround sound. Yes, my heart is made of glass. Fragile, under strenuous conditions I’m wearing fast. Today my last day of wearing a mask. I’m tired and tired enough to say it aloud. I am only in control of myself. This morning I am making a personal commitment to myself.
“I promise to love me first.”
Love.. as a whole is affecting me in ways only I truly know.. I understand love on a deeper level. I understand what it feels like to fight with ALL my might. I do not have the Midas touch. .
It’s taken me 32 years to “believe” that from this moment forward. I love myself enough to remove myself from anything that causes me heartache or pain. Not because I don’t care. Because, I’ve taken ALL I can bear. No longer accepting misery. To toxic to the air I breathe. The consumption takes over me. Becoming apart of me. Zapping little energy left in me. Spreading like wild-fire to ALL I love. No matter what. I am done. Enough is enough. It is me that I have to begin to love. Because at 3:14 my day is long over.. And it is still difficult to breathe. It is I that must nurse my heart. Wipe my tears. Cut through tension. Dissect the definition of perseverance. No longer running interference. No more. I stand my ground. This is my breaking point. Sound. No more face to face. I have said what I’ve said. Nothing more to say. This is me saving my life. A broken heart piecing it back together part by part. Some of them on back order. Foreign.. I love myself enough to say I’m worth more. Misery, discontent, hellbent. No more.
I am aware precisely how you feel. Great post.