Sometimes you have to take a step back. Change position. New perspective. Even if viewing through blurry eyes. Change of pace. New York’s rat race to L.A.’s blasé dash and shake. How do I feel when I wake? At 8am or 4pm? Am I paying attention to my RPM? Life has away of slowing us […]More
My most intimate Memoirs. Originally, ghost written.. But, F%$# that THIS is my life. I AM MAHRIAH Follow my journey. One day at a time.
Phone Check √ Heart wreck. Quick recover. Freak undercover. Four-play. Argue ALL day. Emotional display. Clarity. He instills in me. #1 concern ME. He loves me. He loves me I think.. a lot. Yeah right. He loves me most. No question. ALL-in love. Close overdose. No I guess. No hesitance. No I suppose. A complete YES. […]More
He knows the inflections in the tone of my voice. He knows if I’m smiling or crying silently. He speaks me fluently. And when I cry myself to sleep I feel him. Holding me. Maybe I’m delusional. But, I feel his presence as I back my body up into him. I can smell his scent. […]More
Suicide heavy on my mind. It’s been awhile dealing with these demons inside. They must have been on hiatus. Cause, I thought those feelings were left in my past attempts. However lately the heaviness is brutal. I’ve learned to fly solo. Rarely around others. Anxiety and awkwardness. My life passing. Opportunity after opportunity missed. I […]More
I’m sobbing. My heart is throbbing. I’m robbing myself of a life gifted to me. Who am I? Where am I? The morning after I’m an emotional wreck. This morning after pill I can’t bring myself to swallow. I take enough sleeping pills to help me pass this time. I pray I drift off peacefully. […]More
In my head. Need to be crawling into bed. I’m plottin’ on over drive. Slick. SHIT. I know.. where this mind-state gets.. me. Trouble or a double-UP. Fuck. Yup… I’m trusting my gut. YNOT? RYNOT. ALL day. Wheels spinnin. My smile on. Grinning. Ear to ear. The taste of your lips sooo near. FUCK. Drip–Stain. […]More
Woke up this Monday. READY. Heartbeat steady. Thank you God for blessing me. Favoring me. Clearing my path. Offers constantly presenting themselves. A few have tickled my fancy. But, haven’t got me up dancing for celebratory delight. More of a mental vs heart-string fight which was my gut telling me this opportunity is not right. […]More