heavy

depositphotos_63958235-stock-photo-hammer-with-a-broken-cardI give thanks for ALL the time you stayed by my side. It’s now time for you to start your own life. You have made yourself quite clear. Boredom, Resentment, Anger, Misery of being here. I do not deny my life is heavy. That is no question. Move on with your life. You have my blessing.

No-more cracked egg shells.. or watching your mouth. Curse all you need. Say ALL you want. This house is heavy. Attitudes unsteady. Constant duress from the life of heaviness turns to never-ending stress.

Twin ME

They say everyone has a twin. Tell me have you seen her? Have you seen yours? Met yours?

Curious to know where on earth your twin might be?

I can’t tell you how many time I heard the words.. You look just like! Wow, doesn’t she look just like..!

How many times has this happened to you? Do you feel like you look like everybody else?

If you are curious where your twin resides click the button below to submit your photo.

(World wide data base syncing photos – based solely on physical face only).

Destroy Me

Tis Over.
has always been.
each forever scars my very wrist.
scars my existence.
love-sick.
Over who that chose the opposite leaving me?
fending.
choking.
razors between us are separating.
please fill the gap,
pull in this broken wound,
hold it close ever so tightly and kill not to let forever slip away.
this is it for us who are deserted.
us who are searching,
pleading,
for the end to set us free.
will it ever set me free?
the scars don’t disappear to you my dear,
they drape of  me as though you must’ve been to fear.
a last kiss sent falling to shards like the pane in my window.
shattered to you.
a last love grained into sands oleander.
For you may only understand if you are the one i write this to,
each breath you take creates a poem,
love.
each smile spread across your face breaks me,
makes me.
You Destroy me.

Life as I knew it.

Ten years+ later and he says goodbye. Blogging only therapy available. A domain name and hosting less expensive then a therapy session. Yet, I need medication. I need a tan.. I need… I need. A lost hope. A lost cause. Do I believe these hurtful words. Launch them back!! heart under attack

thoroughbred

5760f7f5e3ae60a977cad29330328f84Sometimes you have to take a step back. Change position. New perspective. Even if viewing through blurry eyes. Change of pace. New York’s rat race to L.A.’s blasé dash and shake. How do I feel when I wake? At 8am or 4pm? Am I paying attention to my RPM? Life has away of slowing us down or speeding us up. It’s the moment we realize it’s not up to us. And in the same breath realizing we are in control of the wheel. Which way will I steer? Will I go South or East? Which way is the best way? What would Hawaii feel like? Would I feel trapped like Ginger on Gilligan’s island? Or would I feel safe from no attachment of bordering states? My mental state is calm and chaotic. Very mythotic. ALL Done with absolute logic. I know exactly what I want. Which in a away is haunting. Quite Daunting. My mind is road mapping. Even while napping. I contemplate. Which country? Which state? How BIG my dreams are! What dreams may come of pushing the bar thus far? Even in my dullest moment I know in my heart I was born a star. Where will I shine my light? Ignite? Take flight? I’m not happy. I don’t even like typing those words. I have so much I’m grateful for. To not be happy feels absurd. But, I’m not. I smile wide. To hide all inside. My body aches. I’ve sold myself short and that’s hard for me to take. How much longer am I going to wait? It’s time to let go of my belongings. All possessions that posses me. Capone is all I truly need. I look around my surroundings. What parallelizes me from setting myself free. Is ALL this worth it? I will not succumb to the vulnerability of me feeling lonely. I spend so much time alone. Choosing to be with myself over meet ups and talking on the phone. I let it ring. Nobody’s home. Go away. I’m working on my next play. It’s almost game-day. I have everything riding on this hand. That’s the difference between a plan and a master-plan. I think I can therefor I know I can. I AM a force with in. I have to believe I can do it with or without him. It’s up to me. I’m defined by me. Not him.  I need a moment to let that soak in. 

Broken in. Broke back. Wild to Thoroughbred. Watch out. She’s just about back. Visual. Creator. Couture. Demure. Brilliant. Thoughtful. Insightful. Deliciously delightful. Vanilla exterior. Chocolate interior. A rare breed. Old fashioned with a futuristic edge. I am the wind. I live my life close to the edge. I’ve been known to jump. I keep a close eye on me, myself and I. For we are all very different combined into one breathtaking disaster. Known as RY. I’m shy. I’m bolder then BOLD. My heart is hot and can instantly grow ice cold. I will not fit into your mold. I am not the woman to scold. I know my role. I know yours too. I’ll  hold you to it or I’ll walk through you. Dimensions. Conventional. Unforgettable. The girl you once knew. The girl who got through. Enchanting. Beautiful and precious. Clues given. Dues paid. Body of Jade (royal gem) symbol of good.

Embodies the Confucian virtues of wisdom, justice, compassion, modesty and courage, symbolizes the femme fatale. Erotic. Exotic. Hardness. Toughness. An enchanting range created through growing pains. Acquires a special attraction from those worth while. A vision floating on the Nile 4,000 miles. I wait for you. I shape for me. For me and me only. You no longer like what you see. You never understood me. You misread me. You dread me. You want to posses me. Place me in a cage. Suffocate me. Unlike glitter. Diamonds must breathe. After reading ALL this. What I am saying is realize my worth and accept me as I accept me. Imperfectly perfect.  I WILL NOT SUBMIT.