Merry Christmas to me..

Merry Christmas to me.. I refuse to let myself give up. First Christmas Eve ALL alone. Completely. I hear music and laughter from my window. The sacrifices one chooses.. I wish I could hear the pitter patter of tiny feet trying to sneak a peek.. But, that’s okay. You never know. I still have some eggs.. Maybe one day. I’m grateful for many things too. It could be so much worse.. I guess. I tell myself. I know it could. But, right now is.. pretty. quiet.

No Holiday Music, Parties or house-guests.  I’m in another state. Of mind. Hustling, Grinding.. Eye on Fortune Five Hundred.. No more Holidays separate. This is pure madness. Sadness. Craziness. I’m not on a rant. I just want my life back. I miss my Mother.. I miss nieces.. My sisters.. My nephew.. My brothers. It changes your whole view on life. When you have too much time to think. So, much on your mind.. I could be out sharing cocktails.. But, my spirit would not be genuine. So, I will sit here alone. In thought. Dissecting until an answer appears. I will live my life day by day. Blocking out fear. I know I have been down. Let down by members in my crew.. I got you. No problem! We got you.. It’s okay. Really now I see I clearer. Family. No family. Yeah, I see “YOU”. Now, really who’s got who..? I cut off tainted energy. Christmas Day or Valentines your inner demons will not shake me and mine. My true family and friends know very well I am not speaking of them. Oh what would I do with out there love and support.. I am forever grateful and Love you with ALL my heart!

My husband will be back. His hand will be placed in mine. We will continue our journey.. He is the one I am supposed to be with on this ride.  So, I sit here. Sitting back. Listening. Thinking.. I got his back and he has mine. Does not take away the loneliness, empty space next to me in bed or helping to ease my restless nights. I love him so. The emotions will ease and some where somehow I will find inner peace. Together again.. Sooner than later.. I can’t think straight. It’s a little after midnight.. Merry Christmas to ALL of you. I hope your day is magical and I pray somewhere I find some JOY in mine=mind too. God Bless and Good Night to You..