Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to me and happy is my #2 priority. I want to smile in 2011. I want to crack up laughing over absolutely nothing. I want to kill the world with kindness especially when my attitude is slipping toward anything but kind. I want to love until I overflow and have strength to refill others and naturally reload. I never again want to feel so dark, empty or unsure. This is 2011 I’m sure. I’m ready. let’s go. I’m blessed. I’m lucky. I’m healthier then some and like others have work to be done. I’m ready to start living. Having fun. Cautiously. Just because it’s a New Year my same rules still apply. You see these are encoded in me. No expiration. No maybe after an evaluation. No New Years play dates. I listen as I hear gates.. Open and close. I watch and wait from a quiet distance. Quite contrary in my personal cozy sanctuary. Temp exactly how I like it. 81° panties just enough. I chill out and puff. Happy to have been out of ALL the lost souls madness Back to back police sirens. Not for me. My car remained parked. New Years Eve sparkled from my crystal tears. Meditating on blessings. Thank yous.. Bless you’s.. No guess what and no guess who’s. Drama free. Half full. Control steady. 2010 tried to get the best of me. I left it in the dust. No questions asked. You can keep the reward money. I’m not your honey.. I’m taken. 2011 under siege. A healthy balanced year. Sage removing toxins from the air. Mood consistent. Steady. Energy high. Grinding. Doing mine. Love is my basis. Every choice accounted for. I watch as I try every door.. Open-ed time and time again.. I had an opportunity I was to immature to see. I was just a baby.. My mind calmly decides on the path of our life. I’m ALL in. Ride or hope not die! I choose life!!! FYI

To a magical New Year!   First resolution.. LOVE above ALL others.

Merry Christmas to me..

Merry Christmas to me.. I refuse to let myself give up. First Christmas Eve ALL alone. Completely. I hear music and laughter from my window. The sacrifices one chooses.. I wish I could hear the pitter patter of tiny feet trying to sneak a peek.. But, that’s okay. You never know. I still have some eggs.. Maybe one day. I’m grateful for many things too. It could be so much worse.. I guess. I tell myself. I know it could. But, right now is.. pretty. quiet.

No Holiday Music, Parties or house-guests.  I’m in another state. Of mind. Hustling, Grinding.. Eye on Fortune Five Hundred.. No more Holidays separate. This is pure madness. Sadness. Craziness. I’m not on a rant. I just want my life back. I miss my Mother.. I miss nieces.. My sisters.. My nephew.. My brothers. It changes your whole view on life. When you have too much time to think. So, much on your mind.. I could be out sharing cocktails.. But, my spirit would not be genuine. So, I will sit here alone. In thought. Dissecting until an answer appears. I will live my life day by day. Blocking out fear. I know I have been down. Let down by members in my crew.. I got you. No problem! We got you.. It’s okay. Really now I see I clearer. Family. No family. Yeah, I see “YOU”. Now, really who’s got who..? I cut off tainted energy. Christmas Day or Valentines your inner demons will not shake me and mine. My true family and friends know very well I am not speaking of them. Oh what would I do with out there love and support.. I am forever grateful and Love you with ALL my heart!

My husband will be back. His hand will be placed in mine. We will continue our journey.. He is the one I am supposed to be with on this ride.  So, I sit here. Sitting back. Listening. Thinking.. I got his back and he has mine. Does not take away the loneliness, empty space next to me in bed or helping to ease my restless nights. I love him so. The emotions will ease and some where somehow I will find inner peace. Together again.. Sooner than later.. I can’t think straight. It’s a little after midnight.. Merry Christmas to ALL of you. I hope your day is magical and I pray somewhere I find some JOY in mine=mind too. God Bless and Good Night to You..