Just Existing..

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Wow.. Lonely. Pain. Heartache. The rain.. Never stops. Catching myself constantly watching the clock.. Tick toc. Tick toc..
An ice house. Icing myself out. How much can I stand? When will I make my stand?
Time waits for none. That’s what they say.. But, I believe it stops for some. Literally in its tracks. Long enough to catch a breath. Long enough for the rest of life to catch up. I believe in miracles. Unicorns and pots of gold.
I keep my faith. I care about life. I care less about saving face. I’m one of Gods favorite children. I am not shallow. I’m not a disgrace. My waters run deep. Ripe and pure. I’m tested daily. This I know for sure.

Decide to walk it out. My insides screaming from this hell. Nobody knows me well enough. Not really at ALL. I sit in a loud room. Despair and confusion line my loved ones faces. No room for personal space. I need not be alone. I hate the telephone. I yearn for new beginnings.. I yearn for somebody to listen. But, a soul could never understand what I’m really saying.. What lies behind my glossy eyes. Decipher my tears. Or uncode my lies. Not white. Not black. I blink a hard tear back. A lies a lie. Defined by hate. This is not who I am. A Toxic cancer. I need a fucking answer! I need.. a miracle. Mentally whipped. I feel my heart skip. Anxiety requiring a heavy dose of xanax.

Sirens equivalent to a childs desperate cry. I stop asking God why. I pray for forgiveness, courage and strength.

I never hurt nobody. Railroaded a single soul. I pray for a wormhole, fractal, door to walk through. I remove my hat respectfully. I sit in prayer.. Me and a priest. Silently. Silent. Speaking in volumes. I mean it. I need it. My priorities don’t involve fun. But, they are most sincere.

Shear fear.. Panic sets in. I’m scared of heights. This bridge quite narrow. In the distance I see captain jack sparrow.. I hold my gaze. I silently pray..
God of Gods I need you ALL.
I listen for direction. In fear of rejection or the dominoes falling down.. I move at the speed of sound. Blindfolded. On shaky ground. Held hostage. Shaking my head at this game called”life”

Food for thought

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Mine,

I wish you.. Could hold me right now. Rock me to sleep.. Rub my head.. Whisper in my ear.. Tell me you love me.. Show me you love me..

I wish.. I could wake up tomorrow morning to your eggs.. Sliced tomatoes.. A couple of grapes.. I miss you. I wish we could lay side by side perfectly fitting.. Your face in my neck..
Ignoring ALL calls.. Breathing each other in. I yearn for your touch..

I wish I could do my eyes.. To match what I wear.. And hear.. You say you liked how I did them. And ask you to wear something to match me and you do.. I wish.. We could eat each other for lunch and have an ultra late dinner because we don’t want to let each other go.. I’m in love with you. I need “u” in my heart..

Yours.

FAITH

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Pyramid kisses.. Late night wishes dropped deep into a well.
Missing you like crazy. Living in a living hell. What dreams become.. Praying for a miracle from the Gods above.

Please Lord won’t you save me.. Bless my families broken heart of hearts. We can get through anything. But, ALL this is tearing us apart. I sit.. Still as still can be. Praying, breathing, praying for just about anything. Surround me with your angels every single one. I need you now. My prayer is real. Sincere. Most profound.
I show the world a pearly smile. Yet live the life of a frown.. Depression. Discretion.. It’s “u” I’m missing.. Please come back to me..

2010 in review

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,500 times in 2010. That’s about 8 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 70 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 166 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 16mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was September 22nd with 64 views. The most popular post that day was Together we walk the line.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, slashingtongue.com, stumbleupon.com, and ventura.craigslist.org.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for beauty, memoirs of a mastermind, shhh, sad love, and hooded.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Together we walk the line September 2010
1 comment and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

2

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda… May 2010
1 Like on WordPress.com,

3

Good morning sunshine! May 2010
2 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

4

Prize Fighter June 2010
9 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

5

Who is.. Hold Card? May 2010
2 comments

Intent

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Tears held in eyes.. Emotions on the rise. I continue moving. Forward. I use forward as my guide. My intuition on watch.. My third eye. Hides in the bluff.. Locked on your position. Downloading.. Your true intention. For you refuse to spit it out.. I’m not trippin, scream it, shout it! Blow out your lungs.. Just get it out. Getter done!
I come from truth. I need to know where your coming from? No judgment. Just love to be spent. On you. Valuable U.
Intentions mustn’t always be bad. Sometimes there’s a hidden goodness.. As soon as you.. Chip through the dust and crust. I say.. Your staring at a diamond in the rough.. Just a dash of polish.. Luxurious luster in clarity.. Get your mind outta there.. I’m already married..