Early, late.. Depending how you look at it. Missing you.. Wishing I could’ve crawled into bed with you.. (huge problem) HUGE. Inserting myself between the sheets.. My whole, full body.. fine like vintage wine.. absent of you. Not there waiting.. rushing me, or carrying me.. tucking me in…
When that day does cum again.. and yes, it shall cum. I am going to appreciate you that much more. Everything, you, us, so much. I have in store for you. More than just a trick or two.. or three or four…. Fuck it keep the lights on. DON’T close the door. Leave the window open while you’re at it.. or shall I say we’re at it.. Naked.. HOT pink patent leather peek a boo six-inch heels.. kissing and caressing you.. I start with your neck, moving to your ear, then to your d.. uhh you know what. I have a big mouth. You, yourself well en-doubt.. MMmmmm my extra long tongue.. You squirm.. as you’re not ready to cummmmMMmm.. It’s okay.. daddy.. we’ll do it again, again and again.. Passion to fun, romance to grunge. Tasting ALL of you. Taking my time to satisfy you. KISS ME. Devour me. Conquer me while I submit. Taking in your scent.. Loving every single thing about you.. My King. Your Queen Jewel. Tease you.. I need not. We already tied the knot. Fully committed. Infatuated, obsessed, smothering you while we make love and fuck. Janet Jackson, Maxwell, Goapele, Jill Scott.. Surpassing 12 rounds.. Championship/Mastermind bound. Taste me. Don’t stop. Just kicking off my heels.. For something a little.. more enticing.. Strapping on stiletto highrise thigh highs.. BLACK, matte, Leather. Stitched with army green threading. Getting on top.. Riding wild. Pretty girl rock style. NOW SAY MY NAME. That’s an order. Fair exchange, No robbery. Please honey.. I’ll do a couple squats for you.. Dog-down position. Doing that thing I do.. Driving you sexually insane. Submitten’. while you give yourself to me.. Pumping mad blood through your veins. Pulsating. Convulsing. I want it ALL. Every fiber of your supreme being.. Pinot Noir in hand. Damn near doing a one hand, hand stand.. In our two-man band. Play me.. Play with me.. No auto tune needed.. We are fully in sync. Kinky, freaky, so dripping wet.. I’m squeaking..
drop.. puddle of love.. flowing.. like Floetry.. Little yous swimming inside my chamber. Glowing I am. Radiating our synced energy. I’m still ready… Madly, deeply, in love. Secreting.. Deeper.. DEEPER.. push.. HARDER screaming in perfected ecstasy. As your inside of me.. Grinding with me.. to the sounds of love. Feening.. for more and more.. don’t stop.. Not ever. Watch me as I shiver.. in orgasmic bliss. KISS ME. Your my forever crush.. Giving me a fucking rush.. honeymoon love. Well after a decade. Your personal lush.. more like luscious.. lips. Phat. Up and down. So, tiny you spin me round and round, my personal mary-go-round. Our sexual playground.. Friend or foe.. Fuck that hug.. I’m ready to suck. Lick and Love. Round fourteen. It’s official. I’m aDICKted . Cumming back for more and… more. Loving our open door policy.. Nipples hard. Your direct. Erect. Just about four am.. Do we need to think about if we want to get another session in..? Fuck control. You’ve taken over me. Just the way I love..
Choke me. Fuck me. Spank me. Pull my pony-tail. You’re the fucking me best! Got me seeing in stereo. Just a moment while I straighten my halo. Your dark angel.. Kinky and playful. Naughty and sweet. Better than a hash sprinkled treat. Gorgeous feet. Adore me Poppy.. You got a bad bitch. Fantasize with me. But, you better only have eyes for me. Lastly, slide your tongue across my clit.. Give me a treat.. while I show you my tricks.. Lickity splits. Humming with ice-cubes. I’ll be a fool for you. Sweet and silly. DARK. With no frilly.. Panties. I prefer nothing. While you dust me in diamonds.. ALL pressure between my legs. Flawless and starstruck by.. US.
Wrenching. Stench of terror. Despair. Scorned. Violently awake. Shaken. Shook. Crooked. Steep creep. Can’t. Won’t. Refusal. Refute. Futile. Denial. Cry. Pain. Shame. Infamous. STRESS. West. Longing for a bullet in the chest. Peace. Serene. Rest. Left.. Question.. Everyone. I’m the crazy one. Emotionally challenged. A beautiful wreck. With an elegant neck. Train wreck. Expectations.. Exasperated. Breathing on a ventilator. Unbalanced equator. Abuse. Used too. Abuser: Self made. Hatred. Shapeless. Darkness. Cartwheels in a past life. Distant eyes.. Lifeless. Shouted out. Permanent pout. Dazed. Unconfused. Forever bruised. Deep purple, cobalt blue. True. Real. Raw. Tell me have you seen her..? A fragment of what’s left of her.. Being.. Cream.. Dream… of that girl.. I used to know. Pure like winter snow. Darkened by contaminated guilt.. Spilled milk. Crowd control. Floored. In the corner. Holding my knees. Daggered. Watch my heart bleed Out. Crouching tiger. Hidden dragon. Drip drop. Tick tock.. Stop watch. Gods clock. Road block. Violation. Destination.. Space station.. Ready for take off.
Is this ALL a lesson to see what I’m made of? Crumbling. Numbing.. Mind blowing.
Breaking point. I lie here at 2:55 am. While the rest of the world is asleep. My insides in painful knots. My nerves and nails completely shot. Unhappiness and pain all around. Life so intense, in surround sound. Yes, my heart is made of glass. Fragile, under strenuous conditions I’m wearing fast. Today my last day of wearing a mask. I’m tired and tired enough to say it aloud. I am only in control of myself. This morning I am making a personal commitment to myself.
“I promise to love me first.”
Love.. as a whole is affecting me in ways only I truly know.. I understand love on a deeper level. I understand what it feels like to fight with ALL my might. I do not have the Midas touch. .
It’s taken me 32 years to “believe” that from this moment forward. I love myself enough to remove myself from anything that causes me heartache or pain. Not because I don’t care. Because, I’ve taken ALL I can bear. No longer accepting misery. To toxic to the air I breathe. The consumption takes over me. Becoming apart of me. Zapping little energy left in me. Spreading like wild-fire to ALL I love. No matter what. I am done. Enough is enough. It is me that I have to begin to love. Because at 3:14 my day is long over.. And it is still difficult to breathe. It is I that must nurse my heart. Wipe my tears. Cut through tension. Dissect the definition of perseverance. No longer running interference. No more. I stand my ground. This is my breaking point. Sound. No more face to face. I have said what I’ve said. Nothing more to say. This is me saving my life. A broken heart piecing it back together part by part. Some of them on back order. Foreign.. I love myself enough to say I’m worth more. Misery, discontent, hellbent. No more.
Think it’s only natural I’m crashing. Running hard. Running on fumes. Keeping you out the loop. Sadness, despair, surrounded by suicidal thoughts.. Lifelines taking mine. Trickling toxicities into u. Us. Rush Rush.. For what? I feel so stuck. Afraid to move. Afraid to get into a groove. Everybody frozen unsure what to do. I don’t know how to play chess. What I would do to lay in my safe place.. Your chest. Ohhh boy this has been a massive clean up. Life such a mess. What’s the longevity.. In ALL this sadness. Cracked out drama. No giggles, no smiles. I check them at each and every door. No, my my my system has gone haywire to bogged down for a restore.
Restore to what? To who? Life getting the best of me, us, u have left my heart bruised. No more shades of soft bubble gum pink. I’m black and blue. Attitude sad, frustrated hint of rude.
Dude, get it together. Disheveled and beautiful.. dark angel. Keep working on polishing your halo. I’m not ready to exit. Even with the mess I’m in. I still see my life as blessing and.. I have work still to be done. Just tired, exhausted.. A ton of boxes to unpack. Memories.. Getting the best of me each road I travel down I check myself in the rearview.. Little me. Big frown. Chin up. Hair down.
No plan. Crumpled map. Yet, I know this city. That’s right. I just don’t know this me. Contaminated. Searching for a vaccine. A cure.. Praying with ALL my heart for a miracle. A voice of reason. A new season. A palate to taste at ALL. Living off fast food.. Darkening my mood. No fuel. No desire. I miss my inner fire.. Screaming so loud sound like a whole children’s african choir.
Heavy, heavy, heavy. No ultimately I will be okay. I have strong faith. In me, in us. In who you are. I’m in the battlefield. Signing up.. I knew for certain would leave scars. Now, im in the driver’s seat.. No more copilot for me. Driving dangerously at high altitude speeds. ALL out of character for me.
My destiny will be what it’s going to be.. Doesn’t mean it’s not just about to kill me.. While I’m slowly… Slowly.. Rebooting. Choosing.. Running olympic speeds from the guilt. Afraid of sunlight in possibility I may melt.. Just playing the cards I have been dealt. I’m the hold card. One of the toughest cards in the deck. Shuffling and demanding a reshuffle. Accused of counting cards. I’m intelligent but not that so.. Just watching, listening and analyzing waiting for an open door. Need more time for what’s in store.. Your ALL I got. Never forget the power you possess. My guide on this ever so lonely quest. Wish I had a little one for a nightlight. Someone to hug and hold me and to tuck in at night.. I wish I may.. I wish I might.. I’m praying for a miracle. Please reciprocate. Double or nothing. Split them. I can’t help. I’m a loyal bitch. This is who I am. I have been ALL in from the shuffle.
Scrapes, bruises, broken heart.. Never ending scuffles.. I’m still breathing. I’m still standing. Ch’in up. Just could use.. A clue. Never forget my love and compassion is my greatest virtue..
Who you are to me.
The air I breathe. My eternity. My king.
Having some bad days.. Watching myself.. age, hair gray.. Feeling myself growing older with you. Wiser. Committed. I have fully submitted.
Strong. A forever bond. Friends laced with passion. Have your back. No matter how high the stack. I’m ALL in. Over a decade. Headaches to koolaid smiles. ALL worth while. I dig your style. Sexy profile. Trade me in… Sinful thought. At 32 I’m your queen jewel.
Always be a crazy, sexy, cool girl.. Do anything for you boy. Just the thought of you. Brings me tremendous joy. We gotta puppy together.. Still feels like puppy love. Sweet as a chocolate dove bar.. Ride you like I ride copilot in your shiny car. Your little mama. Love you like.. a fat kid loves cake. I’ll do it ALL for you. I’ll do whatever it takes. Don’t make me wait.. Adore me forever. Like a proud father. Smother me with love like you’re starving. I want a bite. I’m nice and tight. Ripe and right. Let’s have a pillow fight.. I’m yours. Your mine. ALL real. ALL genuine. Mine ALL mind. In do time.. Sweet dreams. See you in the cosmos at exactly 11:33