Category: Thoughts
Going through changes
Changes are happening and I am so afraid. I can pull the covers over my head. But, when I awake guilt stricken at the loss of another day. This nightmares not going to go away. I’m conscious and in denial at the same time. If I could make just one wish it would be to rewind the hands of time. Then all wrongs could be made right and this sometimes depressing memoir I wouldn’t have to write.. I’d probably be in Africa taking pictures of giraffes and stuff in safari khakis singing, dancing, acting a nut. Living the real me. Not under twenty-four hour scrutiny of the pure irony of each and every misery held in contempt. No one to talk to. Nowhere to vent. Damaging our health. Depleting ourselves. Let it out. Let it out! Sometimes it takes a shout or two. To release my inner demons. My rage is off the rictor. It’s making me sicker than I was before.
FUCK I thought I already closed that door. Two dead-bolts and three master locks. My own locks been hit. Picked. Aware and conscious. Obviously asleep at the wheel. Should have set the alarm. Oh yeah.. (virus protection canceled).
Sunday 10:11 am
End of the week. First day of my cycle. Maybe that somewhat explains.. The breakdowns; the jolts of rage. The never-ending pain. I lay here lonely. Feeling unsure. Insecure. What am I doing here? I don’t belong.. My approval rating has severely dropped. Still the show must go on. Lie here alone in thought. With paper in pen. No telephone. Dream about being held. Tight-Caressed. Kissed. I’m a mess. I just miss the feeling of being missed. Touched. Oxytocin running high. Well, I am getting off track… It’s Sunday 10:11 or something. I’m laying here covered in bed. There’s a slight bite in the air. I’m crampy and so many other things. That yes, I guess this feels like the safest place for me. I’m very blah today. Don’t care about too much. Maybe, I don’t know how to. Maybe I don’t know where to start. What do you do with a day like today? Waste it in bed. Listening to other people live and laugh outside the window?
Story of my life. Burnt out and Tired… No desire to get things right.
Puppy Love
Puppy dog love♥ Good morning hugs. He truly is my everything. My little prince who thinks he’s king. He barks the bark. Prancing tall. inquisitively handsome. 
He’s sure to capture your heart♥ Not to much of a barker. Unless he really has something to say.. He gets more serious when in play-mode. My jealous little dude. My gangster, Protecting me at all times. Checking perimeters on guard in passenger seat. My itty bitty Parana puppy dog, You were made specifically for me. So blessed I am to have you. My grumpy flip mode squad. Poised with irresistible attitude while crossing your paws. Thank you puppy dog.
Hopes ♥ Dreams – Prayer Request
Hopes & Dreams – Prayer Request
♥ Master Plan ♥
²°¹¹
♥ Great Health physically & mentally.
♥ To be Happy & fulfilled with & by myself.
♥ To practice my mantra: Honesty, Discipline & Confidence daily.
♥ To deepen my relationship with the Lord & make him apart of my everyday life & choices.
♥ That you bless my relationship to bring us closer/deeper as best friends and my Husband.
♥ That you bless us with Healthy children & a Strong Solid Family.
♥ That you continue to bless me with people in my life that are Positive, Compassionate & Helpful.
♥ That you bless me with making Wise decisions.
♥ That you continue to bless me Daily with Strength, Love, Confidence, Direction, Passion, Spirit, Energy, Persistence, Patience, Courage, Integrity and Guidance.
♥ That you bless me with Patience, know how and discipline to clean up my credit & to live debt free.
♥ I pray to you to be able to travel and experience other countries and cultures to help expand my mind and to appreciate life as-is right now.
♥ I pray to for consciousness’ to start living in the now and to truly help me let go of the past.
♥ To be better dog Mom & Appreciate & Treasure him more.
♥ To be a victor & not a victim.
♥ I pray to you for a much bigger smaller life.
I Thank You for answering my prayers and making them come true.
In the name of Jesus.
Amen♥ 
Memoirs of a Mastermind 