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Poetic JAZ, Thoughts by HUSH GIRLJuly 21, 2010July 22, 2010

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Going through changes

Enough’s enough! I’m losing my mind over stuff.

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FREEDOM

2020January 1st, 2020

47 days to go.

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This may come as surprise or not.. Lol Oh life.. You've really handed it to me. The past few years especially have been... REALLY FUCKING HARD {excuse my language} I've felt like.. I'm not sure if I'm coming or going... These are feelings I know well. That I thought.. I had under control. Living with being bipolar, depression has always been a challenge. Adding a child has forced me to find new solutions. LIFE My life. . I suffer from EXTREME anxiety. Crippling anxiety. One of the reasons I'm sharing this is because... I'm hoping that being more transparent will help the people in my life that I truly love. Understand that it's not them it's me. I feel great guilt not responding. Not showing up. Not being there. Not being... everything I so badly want to be. I've dealt with mental illness my entire life. Sometimes more extreme then others. I somehow managed to.. conceal it better. Move through it better. THE SPIRAL The last three year's specifically.. New mom Capone heart failure - learning how to care for my elderly almost 17 year first baby. 🐾while my heart breaks as he weakens each day. Not wanting to leave him.. Not knowing if it will be the last time. Learning patience as I give him his dignity through is decline. Business owner... Fuck need I say more. 24/7 - no let up. Partner Reconnect-ish - Disconect-ed Major surgery Surgery recovery Employee managment Employee betrayal Extreme slander Family - Betrayal Abuse The loss of a few major anchors (family) Finances .. ... Scammed Law suit - sued Lack of appetite - immense weight loss Turning 40 I'm sure theirs more.. I've been living one day at a time. Doesn't.. work so well.. For friendships. Relationships. Clientships.. I get why so many jumped ship. Trying to.. balance it all. Exhaustion. Frustration. Resentment. I've really struggled to keep it together. This feels so personal to write this. But... oh well. A year ago I wasn't sure I'd be alive today. My balcony looked better by the day. Not the view. 24 flights of no more pressure. How can I say this as a new mom? I know.. For over a decade.. I've well wished all my clients and friends. Knowing one-day my life would begin..

Sometimes.. God breaks your heart 💔to save your soul❤

#taste #going #glowing #mom #boss #priorities #moonandstars #boymom #gettinit #energy #connected #grindwithgrace #fun #moments #thisismylife #allin

🌪NO NOT NEVER🥊♥️ #neverfold #fortunefavorsthebrave #pressure #clever #boss #harder #shhh #hushlife #form #shifting 💎

Don't let the tamed ones tell you how to live.

Don't be afraid of the solitude that comes with raising your standards.

HUSH

HUSH

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