Just Existing..

Wow.. Lonely. Pain. Heartache. The rain.. Never stops. Catching myself constantly watching the clock.. Tick toc. Tick toc..
An ice house. Icing myself out. How much can I stand? When will I make my stand?
Time waits for none. That’s what they say.. But, I believe it stops for some. Literally in its tracks. Long enough to catch a breath. Long enough for the rest of life to catch up. I believe in miracles. Unicorns and pots of gold.
I keep my faith. I care about life. I care less about saving face. I’m one of Gods favorite children. I am not shallow. I’m not a disgrace. My waters run deep. Ripe and pure. I’m tested daily. This I know for sure.

Decide to walk it out. My insides screaming from this hell. Nobody knows me well enough. Not really at ALL. I sit in a loud room. Despair and confusion line my loved ones faces. No room for personal space. I need not be alone. I hate the telephone. I yearn for new beginnings.. I yearn for somebody to listen. But, a soul could never understand what I’m really saying.. What lies behind my glossy eyes. Decipher my tears. Or uncode my lies. Not white. Not black. I blink a hard tear back. A lies a lie. Defined by hate. This is not who I am. A Toxic cancer. I need a fucking answer! I need.. a miracle. Mentally whipped. I feel my heart skip. Anxiety requiring a heavy dose of xanax.

Sirens equivalent to a childs desperate cry. I stop asking God why. I pray for forgiveness, courage and strength.

I never hurt nobody. Railroaded a single soul. I pray for a wormhole, fractal, door to walk through. I remove my hat respectfully. I sit in prayer.. Me and a priest. Silently. Silent. Speaking in volumes. I mean it. I need it. My priorities don’t involve fun. But, they are most sincere.

Shear fear.. Panic sets in. I’m scared of heights. This bridge quite narrow. In the distance I see captain jack sparrow.. I hold my gaze. I silently pray..
God of Gods I need you ALL.
I listen for direction. In fear of rejection or the dominoes falling down.. I move at the speed of sound. Blindfolded. On shaky ground. Held hostage. Shaking my head at this game called”life”

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FAITH

Pyramid kisses.. Late night wishes dropped deep into a well.
Missing you like crazy. Living in a living hell. What dreams become.. Praying for a miracle from the Gods above.

Please Lord won’t you save me.. Bless my families broken heart of hearts. We can get through anything. But, ALL this is tearing us apart. I sit.. Still as still can be. Praying, breathing, praying for just about anything. Surround me with your angels every single one. I need you now. My prayer is real. Sincere. Most profound.
I show the world a pearly smile. Yet live the life of a frown.. Depression. Discretion.. It’s “u” I’m missing.. Please come back to me..

Hopes ♥ Dreams – Prayer Request

Hopes & Dreams – Prayer Request
Master Plan
²°¹¹

Great Health physically & mentally.

To be Happy & fulfilled with & by myself.

To practice my mantra: Honesty, Discipline & Confidence daily.

To deepen my relationship with the Lord & make him apart of my everyday life & choices.

That you bless my relationship to bring us closer/deeper as best friends and my Husband.

That you bless us with Healthy children & a Strong Solid Family.

That you continue to bless me with people in my life that are Positive, Compassionate & Helpful.

That you bless me with making Wise decisions.

That you continue to bless me Daily with Strength, Love, Confidence, Direction, Passion, Spirit, Energy, Persistence, Patience, Courage, Integrity and Guidance.

That you bless me with Patience, know how and discipline to clean up my credit & to live debt free.

I pray to you to be able to travel and experience other countries and cultures to help expand my mind and to appreciate life as-is right now.

I pray to for consciousness’ to start living in the now and to truly help me let go of the past.

To be better dog Mom & Appreciate & Treasure him more.

To be a victor & not a victim.

I pray to you for a much bigger smaller life.

I Thank You for answering my prayers and making them come true.
In the name of Jesus.

Amen

To answer the #1 question I have received the most.

Q Why did I start this blog?

A This is a way for me to stay true to myself while confronting my situationlife head on with the support of the world and guidance from God. I will play this hand I’ve been dealt. I will not fold my hand. I am ALL IN. My prayer is that my most personal memoirs can in somehow someway warm your heart and bring a smile to your face today.