Tag: God

Lost with out you..

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2:51 am Slight breeze.. The ocean is roaring.. I have no tears at the moment. No secrets, potions or tricks to pull.. I sit here.. deep in thought. Doe eyed. Sitting Tall. People love to watch you suffer. Wait to see you crash straight into a brick wall. I used to be a sprinter.. I hit rock bottom and now I start all over once again.. I’m currently in the middle of a rebuild.. Far to devastated for remodel. The economy sucks. Effecting most everyone’s investments, accounts and pocket books, beliefs and trust. So, here I am.. repainting the walls. Old fashioned in so many ways.. I’m not to proud to get on my knees and pray; Then moving right along. Gotta have great music on! Makes the job.. more like fun. Scrubbing floors, washing windows, doing the yard, next is the garage, front and back courtyards, balcony and patio, sealing the cracks in the floor. Looking and seeing changing colors and suddenly realize shit it’s already fall! Soon little tricker treaters will be knocking on my door.. Boy my minds sure not on candy.. I’m checking out this growing stack of bills. Life is so full of surprises. Very intense egos, vanity smurfs and wanna be reality starlets and idols. Quit! You know you; yourself have thought about it…? Yeah..  Freedom! Freedom to choose. Freedom to breathe. Freedom to excel to your full potential. The unique creative child of God we all are. Somethings got to give..

I have to make something happen. A miracle. A waterfall of a windfall. Oh how I vision life to be.. So much simpler when you’re not counting pennies for gas or than checking to see if anythings left to get something to eat. I know I got it in me. I know I do.. I Do. I DO! Full of so many surprises, my bright inner light lit, not a quitter. When I’m all in. I confidently back my hand. Even with off suit seven deuce, I’ll play you. I’ll look you in your eyes as if I’m flying high on pocket rockets. Trying to figure me out..? I see you. Not going to happen to soon. I’m a chameleon. I blend in to any scene, situation or conversation. This is one of my most special gifts God’s blessed me with. I may be bluffing some of the way.. I’m a survivor and the objection is to do what I have to, to make it through today. My focus resides on the current. Through this ALL. I’m just brightening my light and soon you shall witness before your very eyes as  my star arrives.

life experiences. Pick a character I bet you I’ve played her too.  My whole life has been a stage and a lot of it I did not act right. I’m here. I’m there. I traveled far and near. I’ve seen so much! No matter where I went. Blessed with some serious contacts, friendships and luck.. My mind was stuck on someone.. That someone is Mastermind. A decade and some later we are still going strong. A serious grip. I will not let go.. I will continue to be here, to fight. To both of us, I say hold on. Unbreakable, Irreplaceable there is Know-one out there that could fill his shoes. Or break our bond. I’m completely loyal, will hold it down and proudly present to him his golden crown in years to come.. He will return.. I feel blessed for that. Some people have to say their goodbyes forever.. and for us we just followed down a wrong road and now must embrace this current endeavor, viewing it as having more time to focus on ourselves each other and the close few we love and trust.  Seasons will change.. Dynastic occasions will pass with less luster than used to be.. Birthdays will come and go.. Time is something you never get back and with mine I shall take full advantage.. Embracing personal growth.. Flooding him with mail in red envelopes =LOVE not making his time hard.   Realizing he needs to focus. The stories are painful. What goes down in their, in the yard.. Breaks my heart. To know the man I love is there locked and shackled behind closed doors. My respect meter if off the rictor and makes me love him that much deeper. I’m lost without him.. But, I bought an LED flash lite and am slowing making my way.. Slow playing.. at a snail’s pace. Hold_Card analyzing every single situation, Checking you out, Intently listening and making my next three moves all the while everyone is chatting, cat fighting, talking about the most current crazy UFO siting.. Oh where do I belong??? Not here. Not anywhere… What do people really think of me? I often ponder on who they really believe me to be..? Just curious at the end of the day.. Not everyone is going to love me. My personality an acquired taste. A rare concoction spicy and raw. Fresh and delectable. Simply irresistible. I have my vices.. I gamble with life, my heart and love. I’m a poker player and I’m just trying to get ahead. To stay above water.. I carefully tread.. I can’t swim and at times I freak the fuck out! My sweet voice occasionally needs a blow out. Or if left un-serviced will either ignite, blow a gasket, fuse or possibly die. In this lifetime. I will look back at this. This very moment. Exactly right now. I will remember this.. I will close my eyes and hear my tummy growl. I will envision all of this as I inhale the aroma from my private chef. I wish to make a difference. I don’t intend the future to be nothing like this. The process of a butterfly.. and soon. Perfection I can’t help. I know what I like and I know what I want. It’s never personal. My movie runs in my head. Thinking about 10,000 things while listening, praying for the passing siren and feeding my puppy dog.. A 24 hour multitask-er. So, much to do.. On borrowed time. Energy is lacking.. Food or gas again? Shoot! I also need toilet paper, tooth paste, batteries and as usual my mind wandering.. (I have to start making my lists) I forget.. Oh yeah firewood..

I’m truly blessed for this allotted personal time for growth.. I can tell you I’m a trip! Slightly unstable in meaning you really never know exactly what personality you’ll get.. In meaning.. I am ALL over the place. One minute I’m up! Cheery with a painted smile brightening the darkness that looms my face. Unsure if you should run.. Head for the hills. Or   If you bet on me.. Believe in me. Can find an ounce of faith to spare me..

Light me a candle at church, Say a prayer for me.. I could just be your personal lottery. Something major is  happening. Taking place before my very eyes. Disguised by nothing but light.. Serious energy electrifys me. So I know that something is cooking.. Smells like my favorite recipe. Just an added dash of this and that.. and poof* the numbers appear. Just – like – that. Manifested, meditated God listened.. Only he knows what I’m made of.

Together we walk the line

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Mastermind ∞ I am so blessed.. I know this. Mastermind. Mine. ALL mine. Whom means the world to me..  My entire universe. Including, Distant worlds.. The milky way; and undiscovered galaxies. YOU my love are  my invisible  dark  energy. The glue holding all we are together. Staying ready for 2012 and any and everything. While you walk the distance. Experiencing hatred and others with nothing to lose. You accept this fate.  I double knot your laces. I hate this cold place you’re in. Yet, You take it for what it’s worth and begin this journey in your own shoes here on planet earth. The respect I have for you!  Taking care of big boy business.  You do what you say you’re gonna do. You come in truth. A man of his word. Understanding that we are in purgatory. This is HELL. We must pass this test to turn the page and see what’s next.  Another chapter. You will not close this book. We never fold. ALL In from hand number one.  That’s what happens when your young and in love. Raised to never give up. No matter what. Stay true to who you are. Yes, sometimes that creates scars. War wounds of sorts. Never ending stories in and out of different Port(holes)/Court(doors). Distant love holds forever strong.  However long. This shall take. I will be here. Standing tall. Standing strong.

Never jeopardizing Me. Us. My safety.  Respecting are ♥true love♥ and all my needs. His backbone straight and strong. More than man enough to say I’m sorry baby… Poppy.. was wrong…

The love we share. Can not compare to any other feeling. When my King speaks, I proudly listen to his thoughts ideas and secret missions. Encouraging words of hard knock wisdom. I love this man. I am his #1 fan. We invested our everything into our kingdom (you&me). My Ruler and his Queen. A true definition of a start-up. We were built from the ground up. Foundation poured with the best cement. I’m talking designer Louis print.  You know it’s held up well. Designed to last. Never falter. Not a sway. No matter what distance. No need for quick wit there is no delay or change of planes. A constant yearning. Interior battlefield. I see the white flag. I surrender God. With you I KNOW we will be okay. Considering  the constant raging flames from the past few years of HELL.  Tear down. Never that. We respect our history. So, we put in the work to repair the settled cracks.  Inspection failed. Yeah we were for real.. I carry with me my heart of steel. Needle and thread on hand for quick repair. Tissue in purse to wipe tears on the loose. Always ready. Always prepared. Like the dude from running scared. His body is all I need. My safe-place. Our combined magnetic energy exuding out the seams quickly recharging while simultaneously enlightening me breathing entirely new life into me. Mastermind madly in love with you “I AM”

As much as I love words describing my feelings for you is tough to describe. You are the glimmer that resides in my eyes. The spark in the night. A Shooting star back-lit by moon lite. Exploding fireworks in the sky. My flashlight.  My nightlight. I hear your name.. My body begins to ignite! All systems Go. This vessels ready to take flight.

It’s just not one in-particular thing.. It literally is just about every little thing.  Consciously knowing all this. Already experienced the happiness. The roadblocks and bliss. I close my eyes to taste your lips. I feel your body embracing mine. I hold this feeling. Drift asleep… ZZ zzzzz ZZ Zzz Wandering in a forest.. there you are Poppy.. You found me.

Lets stay here forever.. Avatars we are. Rain, Sun or Shine. Me and You surrounded by a higher feeling. Unseen. Supreme Being.. Divinity circles you while you circle me. The light is SO bright I feel it. I feel you. ALL the way through. Mirror image. You and I. Together right now in another world. Only thing between this one and that one is light. You guided me there. Made me dig real deep. Held in my breath. The fractal appeared so deep.. Little did I realize it was you who was holding me.. and when I opened my eyes. I see you for an instant. Fuzzy. Fading.. into star-dust. I lay there in lust. Paralyzed in love. For you are I and I AM you and we together are God and God is us too.

My Benny.. Your June.  Your Bonnie… My Clyde.  My Desi… Your Lucy.  Your June… My Johnny.

Only the strong survive.

I’m here with you. Your not alone and neither am I. Together we’ll walk this line.

Gotta post something..

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Gotta write. Gotta wrap my head around the truth of what is happening before my very eyes. My energy is zapped and and I seem to be having a difficult time typing.. tears in eyes. Focusing on other objects, books, words, and smiles.. Sometimes I have to ask myself if this blogs truly worthwhile.. I miss everything! I miss the sky being that perfect shade of blue. Since you’ve been gone It will not shift from this awful gloomy gray to baby blue eyes “Truth” blue.

For you are I and I am you. Mirror image. Flickers of light guide me to answers through the night. In my dream state is where we most relate. Sweaty palms.. for I am being guided. I’m not hiding. I’m ready and willing for this never ending Godly feeling. LOVE. You have enlightened me. In ways that you may not realize that may take years to see.. and yes you shall see. The blessings you’ve bestowed upon me. Right now I am staring at a jigsaw puzzle that has left me nothing less then puzzled. Angry in such a way any; everybody would agree to muzzle -ME.

Opinionated and tempting to  be the quiet girl at the same time. An oxymoron. However in my eyes. Fully Justified. From the outside looking in I look as though I’m a crazy woman. Truly mad. I’m just processing, De-fragmenting and thinking. Sometimes that means out loud. Dissecting these atoms of information and as soon as I FINALLY get to the middle. Shaken. On lonely ground. Profound. The abundance of information down–loaded into sound. Emptiness is what’s in the middle. Is this such a surprise? and if so.. why Hold Card? Why? Is this so different from you or you or myself (I)? So, this puzzle you see. What this is doing to me? Nobody want’s to listen. Everything I’m saying they question. ??? Too deep. Confusing. Rambling.. No understanding what so ever. A closed mind. A program installed in spirals. It was over the moment it went viral.

Now let me put it in a song. I’ll give you just a moment.. a phat ass beat. (Look at yourself) Your singing along. Lyrics that a moment ago.. caused you to frown. Feeling bad about yourself.. gazing down-ward. That’s all I’m saying are words. Only complete difference is my words come in truth. Truth does not lie and at times it can hurt. But, if there were only lies and no truth what then would be honesty’s worth? There is Honor is Honesty. Truth = Love. Love = God. All this YOU taught to me., My aura in life. Everything narrow. Everything right and if I truly live this way. This is the ONLY way to make sure everything will be alright. I believe in you. I trust everything you’ve ever told me. Not a day goes by, Not an hour, Not a minute, Not a second. That I close my eyes internally and feel you. Become you. Live in the mere essence of you. In your love. I view the world with blue eyes. A tint of reflection only felt by you my twin soul for I am you and you are I. Feel me. For I am always with you. My heart is big and if nothing else. Like UP it will lift you. Capricorn babies. Little old souls. Three days and three years. 33 I feel a power ball number manifesting. For money is not the answer. It’s more of a form of cancer. Yet, if treated in just the right way. A nightmare can quickly fade into a gradient disguised blessing. Hmmm maybe that’s why the sky’s gray..? Possibly a form of our Fathers test. Should not be any different from acing all the rest. Character is a virtue.  In a virtual world. Imperfection nears devastation.

A catchy beat to help you move your feet and suddenly I got the hottest track on earth. Spitting  the same shit.. Dispersing LOVE infusing sound. Adding glitzy diamonds, gold and paper. All a form of mother nature.  Justify the over-sized words. That a moment ago threw you into a tailspin of anxious anxiety from insecurities, boredom or fear from my truthful words of what is coming. What is happening and what is near. Just looking out for you. For we are all mirror images and I am just reciting the nerves in question I feel inside you. A five year old pronounces as if nothing. Yet, an intellectual conversation is the basis for a boring, quiet talk.. No drama, no drag, with that gone. Complete loss of swag. Only existing on the account of false self worth. It is you who taught me to slow down, take notes and understand what I even am. To take the time invest in me. Educate and take a stand on my firm beliefs. An earthquake could not shake the foundation of this heavenly premium cement sealed and bonded. Feeling lonely and week is just the bend I need for balance in KNOWING nothing and or know-one can break me. My strength supersedes  any seed you try to slip me. I don’t do mixed drinks. Come at me real. Real is what you get. You hear my name.. it’s impossible not too see you. For the wind is picking up. I’m here to carry you through. I love you. I love you. I love you. (.3.)x11= (?) The rest of the world in question.

Love is who I am

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Poetry Philosifloetry… Sweeter than a Billets Doux.. Sit back well I spit this at you.  Culture, Multi Culture, Race, Diverse, Diversity.  Tell me what’s your take on me. What you think you see???

A Superstar. Hold Card, Actress, Dream Maker, Fearless, Extreme, Ambitious, Love, Happiness, Class, Style, Eternity, Money Maker. ALWAYS! THE ART. THE DREAM. THE LOVE. “I know who I am.”

My definition on LOVE………? Love is who I am. How I express myself. Being the unique person I was created to be. Love is God. Love is passion, fearless & magical. Love is crazy yet simple. I guess I would say…  love is a contradiction. Love speaks boldly. Yet softly. Love does not give up   or  withhold itself. Love does not force itself on others to feel better about it self. Love is not being afraid to tell somebody who I am. Or,  Where I came from. Love does not expect or demand. Love does not have Limits, Restrictions or Conditions. Love is the key. It is the key that allows me to see More in to myself, For myself and About myself.  So….. To you I say. Give your smile to everyone! And your ♥ to only one.



Terminology = Get in where you fit in

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This has always been an issue. Who? Where? What? Why? My whole life felt by tinges of pain from loneliness. When you have nothing in common with anyone then what? When conversations go in one ear and out the other.. then what? What if you just don’t fit in? I could change who I am by.. interjecting, participating or initiating contact. I then ask myself; Why? Why do I care? Because, in a sense I do. I was programmed to believe I do. Do I? I don’t. I can’t. I won’t. I’m just someplace else. A place very few are. A place many will never reach. A place some care not to reach. I have worked very hard to get here. I have no intention on leaving. (((((This is a place of consciousness.))))) You see, I care about so much. In an extra heavy heartbreaking way. What I don’t care about is drama, negativity, gossip and the latest who-rah. I have always been an old soul on top of growing up extra way to fast. Not many words make an impression on me. Actions so far and few in-between. This is just more time and space for me to get to know me. I refuse to lower my standards. In saying that I am no better than You or You or You. Monetary fulfillment of company to fill open space and silence. Does not last long enough. Everyone is long gone. I sit alone. Systems now haywire and out of space I am. A costly fix and upgrade. Things will be just fine. My own best friend. In need of absolutely no one. My kindness taken for weakness has happened time and time again. Even though I find myself sad. I’m full of love and kind is who I am. I’m back I’ll say again. Conscious of matter dark and light.

*Right now I’m not focused on anything about you. I’m busy brightening my own light. My life just as important. I value my alone time. On another level. To me the rest of the world asleep, disheveled. In months to come life will be completely different. What I’ll be doing. Where I’ll be. Only then will a few select individuals have tabs on me. My flights departing. I checked no baggage. I fly for free. Mastermind. My carry-on (long time companion) and long-long journey await me. Resting up. Yes. It gets rather lonely. It would be nice to have a friend to chat to.. One I could really trust, who really knows me.  I need no friends. I need no one. Once again. I have me and I’m sufficient enough for little old me. I can make myself laugh and not at the cost of an others mercy. I can open my own doors and wine. I can make my own toast  to happiness and health and lite. I pray to God to surround me with extra angels to fill the empty space in the room. I spend my days and nights alone. I’ve been blessed with an extraordinary amount of time for growth. Others may one day catch up or not. My whole life has been very much alone. You may think well that’s the sheer beauty of technology and the telephone! Only in my case.. The phone rings and anxiety sets in. Because it’s not just us. This is the government’s idea of justice. Tapped lines. Listening in. Play back after play back. Thousands of hours later. They really think they know you then. With every inflection. Every personal disappointment documented. Played back to whom ever at their discretion. So, I unplug the line. Get back to that feeling of feeling fine. Cleanse my mind. From feelings of anger and frustration from federal violation after violation.  “My monies on me; Give me a year.” I say to myself. This current life of mine shall be shelved. You probably wont know. I can only imagine where I’ll be. How much more I’ll have grown. A blossoming flower. Extremely unique. Value unknown. The presence of love. Potent. Overwhelming in every way. Intricately detailed in every possible way. I fit in right where I am. I’m in love with myself and if I say it enough one day it will really sink in. Tonight’s about filling the sink hole in my heart. It was me who moved away. Distance has opened my eyes. I am your girl. Your mine all mine. In my thoughts.. Preparing dinner alone. I light the house with candles. God is with me. The weight is lifting. He will not give me more than I can handle. I am in control of myself and in my lane. Say a prayer. Pop a pill to ease these anxious pains.

LESSON: I AM. I CAN. I HAVE. I WILL. (mantra)