Sunday 10:11 am

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End of the week. First day of my cycle. Maybe that somewhat explains.. The breakdowns; the jolts of rage. The never-ending pain. I lay here lonely. Feeling unsure. Insecure. What am I doing here? I don’t belong.. My approval rating has severely dropped. Still the show must go on. Lie here alone in thought. With paper in pen. No telephone. Dream about being held. Tight-Caressed. Kissed. I’m a mess. I just miss the feeling of being missed. Touched. Oxytocin running high. Well, I am getting off track… It’s Sunday 10:11 or something. I’m laying here covered in bed. There’s a slight bite in the air. I’m crampy and so many other things. That yes, I guess this feels like the safest place for me. I’m very blah today. Don’t care about too much. Maybe, I don’t  know how to. Maybe I don’t know where to start. What do  you do with a day like today? Waste it in bed. Listening to other people live and laugh outside the window?

Story of my life. Burnt out and Tired… No desire to get things right.

Puppy Love

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Puppy dog love♥  Good morning hugs. He truly is my everything.  My little prince who thinks he’s king. He barks the bark. Prancing tall. inquisitively handsome. He’s sure to capture your heart♥ Not to much of a barker. Unless he really has something to say.. He gets more serious when in play-mode. My jealous little dude. My gangster, Protecting me at all times. Checking perimeters on guard in passenger seat. My itty bitty Parana puppy dog, You were made specifically for me. So blessed I am to have you. My grumpy flip mode squad. Poised with irresistible attitude while crossing your paws. Thank you puppy dog.

Hopes ♥ Dreams – Prayer Request

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Hopes & Dreams – Prayer Request
♥ Master Plan ♥
²°¹¹

♥ Great Health physically & mentally.

♥ To be Happy & fulfilled with & by myself.

♥ To practice my mantra: Honesty, Discipline & Confidence daily.

♥ To deepen my relationship with the Lord & make him apart of my everyday life & choices.

♥ That you bless my relationship to bring us closer/deeper as best friends and my Husband.

♥ That you bless us with Healthy children & a Strong Solid Family.

♥ That you continue to bless me with people in my life that are Positive, Compassionate & Helpful.

♥ That you bless me with making Wise decisions.

♥ That you continue to bless me Daily with Strength, Love, Confidence, Direction, Passion, Spirit, Energy, Persistence, Patience, Courage, Integrity and Guidance.

♥ That you bless me with Patience, know how and discipline to clean up my credit & to live debt free.

♥ I pray to you to be able to travel and experience other countries and cultures to help expand my mind and to appreciate life as-is right now.

♥ I pray to for consciousness’ to start living in the now and to truly help me let go of the past.

♥ To be better dog Mom & Appreciate & Treasure him more.

♥ To be a victor & not a victim.

♥ I pray to you for a much bigger smaller life.

I Thank You for answering my prayers and making them come true.
In the name of Jesus.

Amen♥

Penny for my thoughts

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What’s my self-worth? Anything? A quarter. Dollar or two? Accomplishing my dreams? How do you realize your valuable when you have never felt worthy? A penny for my thoughts. A list of everything I’m not. Always black or white. Like what’s black is wrong and what’s white is always pure and right.  And I’m the one in question? Am I someone you would want to invest in? Break down after break down. Triple A canceled. Feeling like a clown.

I really want to believe. I really-really do.. Tears running down my face. To so many; I feel as though I’m a disappointment, disgrace. No more family functions. The dysfunction inside of me I can not control. Broken and bruised. Years of abuse. This is not my excuse. This is my way of letting go. The only therapy I can afford. The past is the past.  It can not be changed. Not a single soul I place blame. Every single experience I fully accept. I have hit rock bottom↓ Dejavu of what to expect. A wreck. My life. No liability. In the process of trying to get things right. Dissecting the meaning of value. Not quite ready for an appraisal. Steamed and squeaky clean may reduce my value.. Grit and grime line my eyes. Who I am. Where I’ve been. Caught in the middle. The constant riddle of life all alone. Only I can decide.. the true value of all that’s inside. I want to say priceless I really-really do. I’m breaking down again. Rambling in rage. I’m so confused. I mean, what value do you place on you?

LESSON: Your attitude sets the stage. So, act right.