Category: Thoughts

Growing girl

on By

Growing girl.. I have decided to write directly to you for  a couple of reasons. ≠¹ I love you. ≠² You mean the world to me ≠³ It’s important to me to remind you how loved and extra♥ordinary you are.  I am older and I am wiser. So.. whatever it is that’s on your mind I have most likely already been there and done that and if I haven’t.. (by slim chance). I will always listen. We are all faced with choices in our life. We don’t always choose the right ones. I am not proud of some of my choices. Always, ask yourself “Is this worth it?” Because, You Are worth it. You are a leader. Lead. Never be a follower. You don’t have to be. Your highly intelligent. Strong. Beautiful. “You know who you are.” My expectations from you are out of this world. Because to me, You are the world. I know who you truly are. Trust yourself. Believe in the power of you. Use your magical powers. Always remember where you came from. Who you came from. Don’t be afraid in life. Know you can do and be anything you choose. That’s the beauty. YOU have the power with in yourself to choose. As simple as yes or no is as right or wrong is as narrow or wide is. Be confident with in yourself to say no. You will soon learn that there is nothing (not one thing) more attractive than confidence. Follow or Lead. Always love, Choose to Lead. Your surrounded by an abundance of strength., Use it as your fuel to shine in life. I believe in you. (you know your name) have always been your own unique spirit. You truly are a jewel. You have your whole life ahead of you. Live each moment magically! You will be tested often. Trust yourself. Trust God. I believe you will make the right decisions. Utilize your resources. Accept love. Choose love. Respect love. Pay attention to strong women. Listen to them, watch them, learn from them, grow from them. Ask questions. Never be afraid to reach out or ask for help. A closed mouth does not get fed. Don’t starve yourself out. You don’t have to. Continue to remind yourself; that all anyone can ever tell you is no.

Dance to your own drum. Dream the impossible! You’re a leader. Surround yourself around good people.

Don’t talk about people. Talk about things.

p.s. Be patient. Becoming a young lady is not always easy or fun.Give yourself the time and space to continue to grow into a beautiful Extra ∞ Ordinary young lady God created you to be.

I love you ♥ I believe in you ♥ All my love

(lost in translation)

on By

About to file a missing person report. Exhausted, drained near depletion from this search. Does one ever lose hope? How long will I continue to run on fumes? Frustration leads to anger. Rage fueled by pain. Everybody’s easy answer. Pray for her for she’s gone completely insane. Easily believed by the quick look away from sickly loss of weight. Snap. Crackle. Pressure, POP! My double jointed joints don’t stop. Circles under eyes. YaWn…! I’m so tired. I wish I could sleep forever. I’m not having any fun on this endeavor. I got the lesson. My punishment internal suffering? God must really love me to allow me to feel so much pain. This is so much to handle. Please God I can’t take no more. Yet, I still must live with what’s on my shoulders. I think that’s why she ran away. Chose a path while shoeless running in the dark on broken glass. Bleeding and screaming I see signs here and there. ² ways to go. The hard knocks all she’s ever known. Even that could never prepare her for what’s ahead of her. Pills and Drugs her form of love & hugs. Developed a method to shrug off the daily hang over. Taking the edge off turned to constant auto pilot high on cloud twelve. Functioning while burning in my living hell. I watch as my spirit melts away. Far Far away• From here• From all this misery & pain. Where do I go? Where do I belong? Where do I fit? How will I know? Wait! I couldn’t hear you! What door!? Did you say.. Please God make it stop! Make it stop. On my knees I beg. I’m sincerely confused. I already won once it was me you chose. Me a beautiful single rose. Remind me. Enlighten me. Guide me. Find me. Drag me. Carry me. Please just don’t you too God give up on me.. even if insane mad in my enlightened brain. Light a way… It starts with my name… (lost in translation) DECODE•SimplifyΞ Amplify (Me)↑internal

Come out, Come out, Where ever you are..?

on By 2 Comments

Come out, Come out, Where ever you are..? I lay here and think… Where are you really? Under a rock? Behind a tree? Out of orbit? Globe trotting planet Me..? I can see your lost. Written all over your face. My own body I quickly steady to readily embrace. A stare down in the mirror. Focus. Lose focus. No single tear around here. Sobbing. Snotty.  I stare down this lost scared little girl glare. Come back to me. Come back to me. I hear. Spirit broken. Then stolen long ago. Running around here empty. A ghost of a soul. Fear has run almost everyone out. Compassion holds strong. A personally composed love song. The inner workings of me strung ever so gently.. The avenue which God has blessed me with to carry me through. Oh what a quest. The smallest realizations that the physical body is simply my sacred nest. Complicated encoded in another language from a dialect like no other seen before. More advanced than hieroglyphics in stereo. I decoded in minutes time. Me I am my penance. We are in the matrix here and now. Just a matter of opening the right door. Narrow. UN·wide. Wrong way no more. Turn the knob. Just choose a door. Door number one. Door number two. Door number three. A googolplex of doors surrounds me. Fear freezes me. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Time waits for know one. Am I then someone? I open my eyes. Squinting. Everything so bright. Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I have committed murder in the third degree. My feelings of shame and loss of ego asks that you forgive me so I can move forward purely. Third or first it’s all the same. Cows slaughtered for my selfish fillets. Fear and pain they too feel. A pricey piece of veal. KILL KILL KILL. A deadly virus thought to be a needed program. Administrating the same result. Perpetuated murder. I reek of death. By conscious consumption. I understand pain. It’s taken over me tired with no energy fruit and vegetables. Nuts and beans. Vitamins and weed. Grown from the ground. Reacting to sound. My heartstrings tugged. No murder to take place. Heard it all a thousand times before. Dropping weight. Constant headaches. Discomfort confirms change. Change confirms growth = ↑up (= that much closer to GOD) So, many questions that no longer conform to the standard application carried by most. I upgraded my software, purchased my domain name and switched my host. I don’t want to live lost in my body forever. Haunted by my own ghost. I’m afraid to die in vain. I must open myself to change. Truly figure out a way to sustain for my remainder of time allotted to this short existence of time that shall determine my “true value and worthiness” on judgment day passed onto me for my choices while here in true purgatory every test perfectly placed and designed for etra•ordinary me by Divinity.

Conclusion: Mans best friend if I had to would I eat?

A: NO. Not ever.

Ron Artest – “Champions” (via PROLIFIK-ONE)

on By

Ron Artest is one funny guy. lol is all I can do.

Some of you may remember how off Ron Artest was with his flow. If you don't know what I mean, check out his Michael Jackson tribute after MJ's passing, pretty damn horrible

But Ron is back with something new. In celebration of his first NBA ring, he recorded a new track called "Champions" I can't lie, Ron came through correct with this song, it might not be the best song out there for an NBA st … Read More

via PROLIFIK-ONE

Broken system: They refer to as HELP: Psychatrist, Therapist, Psycologist, Counselor, Psychotherapist, Social Worker, Shrink.

on By 1 Comment

Therapy is crazy expensive! With no insurance (like most of us) and even with it’s an anxiety attack all on its own. Continuously checking your watch.. 20 minutes left… have not even told a fraction of your story. Irritated by this shrinks instant comfort in believing they have me so quickly figured out. Jotting notes, referencing their own families and life experiences with particular medications.. Looks of judgments conflict with confusion. Twenty more minutes deducted. Who’s really helping who? When I’m the one paying you..? Bills upon bills continue to weigh me —–down↓ I continue to listen.. Only eleven minutes left.. As I tear out a rubber check. You grab your all you know to do prescription pad… A blank stare. A scribble a scratch. I’ve been down this road before. My hours up. I’m shown the door. So… with all that. My life locked in a strangers concrete office… is not enough. All they got for me, Another bottle of pills that are the true killer of this disease. There the Dr. with the paper certificate on the wall for proof. Sixty minutes later and *POOF* my story shelved for reasons of financial strain. My heart must continue to find away to go on with this magnitude of  wretched pain. So keep your refills for all these pills. I got my own pharmacy. I can diagnose you for free. By just truly listening and my own personal life experiences. A worm hole into your pain intensely fills my veins with your infested DNA. Empathy brings us back. I’ll help you up. Won’t let you crack. God and compassion got your back. Your therapy’s within you. Trust me, Only you can complete you. I agree, “Ron Artest” makes the psychology thing look real good. Championships and happiness. Along way from the hood. Yes, I agree he’s done real good. However, his psychologist’s not going to break his bank. It’s more of a chit chat session. A meditation for what was at stake. A breather of sorts. An extra curricular activity.. something fit in on Thursdays at three… So, you see… know your position. I continue to preach. If your steady counting the minutes, clammy hands and anxiety that it’s almost time to go.. same night, pockets lighter and still having to do your usual pick yourself up off the floor, popping pills  on an empty stomach do to no food do to paying your therapist… with no help from your state insurance that ran out aka never exist-ed in the first place. So you wonder why your filled with rage..? On your way home from your session counting change to see if you can afford a gallon maybe two for your always empty tank. Your past due bills soon await you right behind your front door. Your once sanctuary now imprisonment from bill collectors, census workers, probation officers and nosy neighbors. Checking sofa cushions for any extra change, pockets from winter coats and book pages for that special rainy day. For today’s that day. In order to schedule that next Dr. visit need another hundred and fifty bucks. But then again if I can come up with half. They may be able to squeeze in a phone consultation!!! Oh oops that’s just as soon as they return from there much-needed vacation.

CONCLUSION: See about yourself. (UNLESS) Your Ron Artest and you can have a prearranged paid up weekly chat visit scheduled a year in advance. Still it does not really change… Sign here sign there, In and out and on with your day.