Je Suis

I fuck with a Boss. I worship a cross. I’m a star baller being coached by the mastermind of hustler. My grinds gritty. My face pretty. I loathe self-pity. My language witty. My dream crush fifty. I gotta lot of sense. Not common. Rare. Flawless. Like Bey.. I woke up like this. Yeah, I woke up like this.

I crush hard. I’m shy. I pull my hush card. I’ll always look you in your eyes. Social anxiety. I run solo. Trekking up this mountain. I’m ADD. I’m manic. I hate. Hate. I love. Love. No panic.  Bipolar. Coastal. I hydrate in ocean lined states. I’m a body mechanic. Hush Tan body enhancement. My bed a hammock. A mental tune-up. I feel better with color on my skin. I feel better with color in-ME. My ocean runs deep. Mahriah’s island. My secret lush garden. My etheric energy causes you to harden. Demons creep. I weep my insecurities to four am. My inner turmoil. I regroup by digging my hands in soil. Life. Living. Giving. LOYAL. Change means growth. I’m growing so fast I need new clothes. Straps on my boots broke. Constantly pulling them up. Super glued soles. No excuses. Superglue hold. I win on a bluff. No crutch. I’m icy. Chanel shades. Feisty. Fuck I am who I am. I am Mahriah. A survivor. A girl on fire. A super woman. A wild wind. A force with in. A Sasha fierce. You want a piece of me?? Britney Spears. I’m crazy sexy cool. Around the world girl. I’ve lived lives within life. I’ve lived that world. Right now I’m in the cut. Laying low. Shaping. Sharpening. Shadowing Mahriah Z. 10580226_935316569827116_30221166454509382_n

I can’t get enough of this girl. I’m addicted to her. I’m conflicted by her. I need to know her. Adore her. I’m falling in love with her. Love making love to her. I’m beginning to become her. My characters are beginning to merge. All the extra I’m learning to purge. Communications getting better. I’m learning to use my words.

My smile is my sword. Fuck my lock pick. Universal language my smile opens ALL doors. Floorboards silent. My stilettos on the shelf. Grind time. I rock my combat boots. My roots. Authorized housing. Bright blue door. I learned to ask for what I need and take what I want. I’m in my head. I’m in my body. I feel less crowded. Less sweet. More naughty. Personal space. Perimeter me. By invitation only.

Je Suis~

 

 

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Peaked

Wrenching. Stench of terror. Despair. Scorned. Violently awake. Shaken. Shook. Crooked. Steep creep. Can’t. Won’t. Refusal. Refute. Futile. Denial. Cry. Pain. Shame. Infamous. STRESS. West. Longing for a bullet in the chest. Peace. Serene. Rest. Left.. Question.. Everyone. I’m the crazy one. Emotionally challenged. A beautiful wreck. With an elegant neck. Train wreck. Expectations.. Exasperated. Breathing on a ventilator. Unbalanced equator. Abuse. Used too. Abuser: Self made. Hatred. Shapeless. Darkness. Cartwheels in a past life. Distant eyes.. Lifeless. Shouted out. Permanent pout. Dazed. Unconfused. Forever bruised. Deep purple, cobalt blue. True. Real. Raw. Tell me have you seen her..? A fragment of what’s left of her.. Being.. Cream.. Dream… of that girl.. I used to know. Pure like winter snow. Darkened by contaminated guilt.. Spilled milk. Crowd control. Floored. In the corner. Holding my knees. Daggered.  Watch my heart bleed Out. Crouching tiger. Hidden dragon.  Drip drop. Tick tock.. Stop watch. Gods clock. Road block.  Violation. Destination.. Space station.. Ready for take off.

Is this ALL a lesson to see what I’m made of? Crumbling. Numbing.. Mind blowing.

Wedding cake escapade

3:58pm Craving wedding cake… and no not pregnant. Just… I…  “really love” wedding cake. When you don’t go out of your way to attend weddings..  Long, stunningly depressingly saddening weddings. (hey, you were the one pondering.. how I could not love weddings?!?) Okay so now you get it. With all that said, Now you can see how real wedding cake is a true treat and quite hard to come by.  So, heres a taste of my delectable day! Bon appetite` sweets!

Secret yearnings of the desire to stake out a mission of an all day  wedding cake taste test escapade!  Perfectly moist… fluffy and rich!  I’m drooling already! I can’t wait to taste! Frosted to perfection… oh how it melts so deliciously in my mouth.. such small bite sized samples. (I only think to myself) Yum, yummy sinful delights. This is not enough. These tiny little bitty bites of cakealicious delights… Ohh the bakery smells my eyes are closed. even still my hand unexposed.. heaven on earth is in my mouth.. So, delectably delicious. I wouldn’t choose to be anyplace else. Suddenly brought back….  Excuse me miss?? Oh my wedding date you say???  Posture instantly straight. Umm… can we please just taste another slice of cake? As, I also need to take my fiance` mastermind a variety of tasty cakes for today he could not make our wedding cake sampling date… he’s currently in outer space… expected back to earth.. weather permitting.. Tuesday… oh, anyway. My boys are here consulting me in making my decision in helping me sampling  your tasty treats! While masterminds out of orbit. exhibiting stars. checking out pluto the demoted planet… with a quick stop at mars… Snap. Snap. Doe eyed hardly attainable chuckles and gasps. Oh, well thank you I say for your Congratulations and kind regards for my upcoming day. Oh yes we would all love a sample!!! Floyd.. Floyd.? Floyd??? I’ll take Floyd’s. Gerard’s as excited as I am well maybe that’s an over statement. But, we are here together on this secret mission. He’s just enjoying his fantasy bond boys facade.. Floyd’s embarrassment continues to deepen. secretly he’s loving every minute of it! refueling Gerard’s twisted form of pure entertainment.. Personally, I just want more cake. Stepping out… Pause. Wait.. What have I forgotten..? Masterminds cake…! Which, I’ll soon devour wont last a bit of eight…minutes. This kind girl packages Masterminds delicate assorted slices sealed and chilled safely for at least the next few hours. In time for his return. Little does she know..Masterminds at home last I checked or hmm you never know… maybe he’s deep at sea, or… hung up at Cern getting ready for the bang overall it’s  really none of your concern. We’ll enjoy the mystique. You just work on the art of this technique.

Lesson:

Take control of the conversation.

What do you want?

Where am I taking you?

What do I want from you?