to function or not to function. is that the question?
my Grandfather would not only want me to function. but, persevere and LIVE boldly, simply, humbly with love through love. he surrounds me at this very moment. will forever be a part of me. energizing me. pushing me. fueling me through love. my strength, my heart, my universe. my Grandpa. aka my father, my provider, my confidant, my King. a true supreme being. dignified with truth blue eyes. an extraordinary magnificent human being. whom is already so missed. now in the heavens living eternal bliss. i shall never forget his last breath. my last kiss laid upon his tender cheek. day and night by his side a mountain climbed so very steep. glossy eyes. starry skies. the brightest star lights up the sky. shining through my soul and out my eyes. radiating a glow from my perfectly placed golden halo. to know or not know is not a question. not for me.
he meant what he said and said what he means. he walked the path. never followed. always lead. listening to me. guiding me. unconditionally loving me. never, not ever judging me. what i know for sure is that my Grandpa loved me. adored me. believed in me. he still does. always will. through his peace. he fills me up with strength, calmness and serenity.
forever and always, may you rest in peace. i love you Grandpa. your brown-eyed girl.
I wish you.. Could hold me right now. Rock me to sleep.. Rub my head.. Whisper in my ear.. Tell me you love me.. Show me you love me..
I wish.. I could wake up tomorrow morning to your eggs.. Sliced tomatoes.. A couple of grapes.. I miss you. I wish we could lay side by side perfectly fitting.. Your face in my neck..
Ignoring ALL calls.. Breathing each other in. I yearn for your touch..
I wish I could do my eyes.. To match what I wear.. And hear.. You say you liked how I did them. And ask you to wear something to match me and you do.. I wish.. We could eat each other for lunch and have an ultra late dinner because we don’t want to let each other go.. I’m in love with you. I need “u” in my heart..
2 feel connected as 1 ∞ Moment of solidity.. A magical reminder of why I’m traveling down this road. Because, it is a choice and to ALL of you one day it will ALL make sense. Why I’m here. What I’m attempting.. ALL in the name of LOVE.
I met him so long ago.. a BRIGHT and sunny day. Big HUGE sunglasses hiding my face. Dusty truck in need of suds and some serious elbow grease love.. Their he was.. nurturing his so so shiny drop-top. Oh my my.. Who is he…? Jet black hair with flawless caramel skin. Light green–blue eyes oh my.. OH MY.. say.. it isn’t so! This dudes fine as hell and.. Oh sh*!# I just derailed. Literally off the track. My knight and shining armor, Prince of piercing looks.. euro-ess-ness with an unknown edginess.. Hmm… He’s got me completely out my box. Back in my head.. deep in thought. Perplexed. Mr. Gorgeous. Hmm! I mean.. Mr. Mysterious just happens to also be a romantic.. fine diner.. race car driver.. door opener.. poker competitor.. intellectual Oh no. No way! This is not plausible.. Not in my back yard.. Right here ALL along. This is it…! This is the moment. (my inside voice attempting to awaken my inner me.. tickling my insides.. reminders in disguise ALL telling me.. this is him.. this is love.. together again as 1) Back in real light.. I look to myself in my rear-view.. Who is this guy? and what is he?…? Cuban, Persian.. Colombian..? Maybe Syria.. Combination of ALL? Hmmm whatever, whomever.. here he is.. (TALL dark and handsome) guiding me through this drive-through car wash (modern-day fractal or wormhole).. Time elapsed this was our connection. Our free-fall. Another encounter, chapter, incarnation, magnetic vibration formatting LOVE.
DING! DING! There’s the bell.
For me; Life has never been the same. Yep he found me that day. Long long ago.. he promised me somewhere.. someplace… we would be together again someday.. someway.. he would find me. Manifest me into creation and on that blustering snowy December evening.. The wind was roaring. I was formatting.. it’s chill was comforting. The sky’s sparkled. The air was crisp with a hint of vanilla-lavender-coco Chanel ish scent.. Mmmm…
ALL this.. many moons ago.. the Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ butterfly’s Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ never left my tummy.. happily fluttering.. in love ♥ like the very first telephone call… in my grandparents kitchen, I closely listened. We planned our next encounter.. Gravity took over, Best-friends and lovers.. Beginning on a hot spring day.. beginning of May.. My path was laid.. I have climbed and crawled. Been drug while kicking and screaming obscenities with displeasing psychotic behavior from my own insecurities, bad programing, misleading interpretation of my lost misconception of my idea of love.. and here He is. programmed with compatible software under a custom created exterior. Pre-programmed with patience and ALL my missing components, virus defenders and ALL access passwords.
We have just advanced to the next level. ↑
This is my destiny. This is our fate. True-life ∞ Soul-mates. Right on track. Thanks for jogging along with me.. I enjoy the company.. as of right now.. Life can get a little lonely.. We got time. Time is one thing we do have. Hope to make the best of it. Give him lots to come home to.. Make him proud as freewill in hell. So upon you I cast a love spell.. I AM the potion and to “YOU” I pass the goblet. I hold on tight to my kingdom, smile (sword) and gauntlet.
Good night.. TBC