Penny for my thoughts

What’s my self-worth? Anything? A quarter. Dollar or two? Accomplishing my dreams? How do you realize your valuable when you have never felt worthy? A penny for my thoughts. A list of everything I’m not. Always black or white. Like what’s black is wrong and what’s white is always pure and right.  And I’m the one in question? Am I someone you would want to invest in? Break down after break down. Triple A canceled. Feeling like a clown.

I really want to believe. I really-really do.. Tears running down my face. To so many; I feel as though I’m a disappointment, disgrace. No more family functions. The dysfunction inside of me I can not control. Broken and bruised. Years of abuse. This is not my excuse. This is my way of letting go. The only therapy I can afford. The past is the past.  It can not be changed. Not a single soul I place blame. Every single experience I fully accept. I have hit rock bottom↓ Dejavu of what to expect. A wreck. My life. No liability. In the process of trying to get things right. Dissecting the meaning of value. Not quite ready for an appraisal. Steamed and squeaky clean may reduce my value.. Grit and grime line my eyes. Who I am. Where I’ve been. Caught in the middle. The constant riddle of life all alone. Only I can decide.. the true value of all that’s inside. I want to say priceless I really-really do. I’m breaking down again. Rambling in rage. I’m so confused. I mean, what value do you place on you?

LESSON: Your attitude sets the stage. So, act right.

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Our problems are world problems.

Lazy egotistical Americans. Is that what the rest of the world thinks about us…? Sadly, Yes, I believe a lot do. Can you blame them? Do not be defensive just because you may have been born here in the states. Take offense because it is not who “you” are. Again, be the change you wish to see and have the delight in seeing the change. It starts with you. The rest of the world is not looking to fly these days their self… Confused? It is not okay. Nevertheless, I will make an exception you are here. Now, all I can hope for is that you hear.

Our problems are world problems. Not state problems, individual country problems. They are your problems. Do not think for a moment that little man in North Korea fires a missile and it is not going to effect you. Hope your still here. Hope you can call and make sure your parents and children are okay where ever they might be. I truly feel insulted, disrespected when I watch this thing called news. I feel myself overcome with laughter in briefly forgetting that this is real. Laughter then turns to rage. Wow, this is for real!

For an instance, I was waiting on Betty White and Tina Fey thinking this must be a new SNL episode. Seriously, I mean there showing million dollar posh bunkers! Are they for real? Okay. I get it! These are for the halves. Said best by: Curious George himself. America home of the Haves and Have Not’s. Boy, I tell you. You do not want to be a have not during the bunker crisis. Another visual. Posh bunker. How many humans do you think we could save in bunk beds utilizing and maximizing all the space possible? Now the real visual. They do not want you. Names will be on a list and most of you will not be on it. Most of you are still trying to figure out how to stay in your current above ground home and so sadly, many of us are on the verge of losing everything. Screw one paycheck away! I am talking about dinner on the table tonight. Where is tonight going to come from…? If you are confused. You have never been hungry. Not you. Not a have. I can promise you that!

Best said by: Teresa, New Jersey housewives. Recession? What does that mean? How many humans could fit in her home? So, many homes just like that. Quantity over quality for human life. That is why every 5 seconds a human dies over hunger. Starving to death. Quantity over quality people. Do not get me wrong I am not outing Teresa per se. Just giving you a visual. We all answer for ourselves. Because, the only thing us humans do know is we all have a date. None of us last forever and one day we will all die. Do not hope you do not go in vain. KNOW. Brighten your light. It is time.

http://www.deepwaterhorizonresponse.com/go/site/2931/ ←INFORM YOURSELF!

My daily reminder.. SFGTD

I am God.

Today I will be handling all your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. kindly put it in the  SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved,  but in My time not yours.

Priceless

Dont take her kindness for weakness. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love. She put you above all else. Imprisoned in-house. Now that hair has began to gray. Subtle signs of unsuretys if he wished he’d chosen another way. Or will he weather this storm and protect the still unsealed cracks in the astronomical amount of foundation already laid. Ignorance is bliss. Some say. What’s this about God? Reflection in mirror this representation of my soulistic precious guarded interior. The beauty of a tear. drop… Stop! this madness. Insanity. No sadness. You desire a dime. Yet you have a quarter. A vision of beauty. A rare mix of DNA from every border. Do I follow these signs you consistently show? Or do I obsess over google earth at all the endless open space and windy roads? Poverty brought me possibilities of visions and dreams coded in only ways available for me to see. It’s completely your choice to join me. Let me show you me. Please allow me, take a breath. Want to know me? You always showin me. Are you seein me? Just doin me? Or are you just doin you? So, many years in living soul-y for you ♥  

I miss myself you sea. The yearning has turned to pain and this river of mine runs deep. I’ve always played for keeps. A hold card of suits keeps me a float. Steady on my feet. I used to ask where she went. She’s been here all along… Time bent ∞ An infinite soul. Stages, Places and Time all an internal perception individually to each mind. Just as beauty…  What is it truly? God has blessed me with more than most. I’m on overflow and he’s been with me now so long his personal perception is telling his mind that maybe… I’ve let myself go in retrospect. Just remind yourself my finger holds no shadow creating that magical programmed completion glow. Luckily my system has been updated, upgraded. Hacked into an impressive network with memory capabilities connecting with you compatibility aesthetically astounding this priceless creation is not just for show.  All systems stay ready and programmed to go. I prefer Euros £ 

© memoirs of a mastermind 2010

Hold Card

Now that I have your attention. Where am I taking you?

Life in the fast lane. Oh how fast life has been. So many people. So many feelings. So little time. So much grief, frustration loss of patience. Never truly opened up. Anxiety over tapped telephone lines, constantly gauging danger signs. Unending un-understanding turns to painful cries. A day in my life most will not be able to comprehend the madness that rushes from my heart computing to my brain the numbing pain of understanding the insanity of this life game.  Lets talk, communicate, breathe speaking freely, truthfully and openly about love, (always love) food, life choices, being lost & being found, the rollercoaster ups & downs, sleeplessness, the government, GOD, DNA, hunger, astrology, books, animals, music, art, films, fonts, raves, rants, jeans, cars, the value of a laugh. You get the point. We can talk about what ever you want. You can ask me just about anything.. Really. My life experiences have taken me places you would never believe. That’s why I’m going to give you the pleasure of painting you a portrait with whispers of words and tantalizing tidbits of richly intense never sugar-coated memoirs of how you continue to grow and shine and blossom into a resilient armor that’s always been there i just never slowed down and trusted myself to see what was so vividly shielding me/my life.

Welcome to the art of love. There are rules of engagement that are serious as a human life. Listen. Ask questions. Know your position. Take direction. Stay in your lane. A lost art. With each new chapter you too can master your mind.

Step One: Mind=Kind. Kindness should be second nature. Being kind does not remove your edge. It is your edge. ♦