Intent

Tears held in eyes.. Emotions on the rise. I continue moving. Forward. I use forward as my guide. My intuition on watch.. My third eye. Hides in the bluff.. Locked on your position. Downloading.. Your true intention. For you refuse to spit it out.. I’m not trippin, scream it, shout it! Blow out your lungs.. Just get it out. Getter done!
I come from truth. I need to know where your coming from? No judgment. Just love to be spent. On you. Valuable U.
Intentions mustn’t always be bad. Sometimes there’s a hidden goodness.. As soon as you.. Chip through the dust and crust. I say.. Your staring at a diamond in the rough.. Just a dash of polish.. Luxurious luster in clarity.. Get your mind outta there.. I’m already married..

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LOVE

LOVE felt in so many forms. In my heart. In the air.. A whisper. A shadow.. Glimpse of despair. Love fills me. Surrounds me. Finds me. Directs me. Depends on me. Is me. I stare at the stars. So many out tonight.. I wish I may.. I wish I might.. Get this wish.. The wish of my life! I envision how things could be.. Shall be. I live in a dream state.. Twenty-four hours of my day. My heart compassing the way.. Shadow doing the walking. I am here alone. In thought I battle day in and out.  Nothing will change that.. I think I just give it more thought then others.. I truly miss the way things used to be.  There  is now a forever void that hovers my glowetic energy. Not saying things were perfect, but our circle was complete. I solemnly swear to stand by you. Never leave or forget you. I’m here. Me and the whole crew. We got you. A lot to think about. A lot to take in.. Consider. Different frames of mind competing for the lime light. Life’s not coming easy and definitely as pricey as a king’s ransom. Somethings gotta give. I have to make something incredible happen. Rest of the world kicked back , an laughin. That used to be ALL a us; long nights.. Flagged down at stop signs. Crazy chicks trying to hitch a ride.. On to our next destination… could be anywhere! With us, You never ever know.. what or who were gonna run into. The night could turn into a week. The most memorable to me were sporadic salsa nights. Twirling and spinning.. On top of the world. Nothing else mattered.. I mean c’mon I’m sexy dancing with this “conveniently” gay guy,  my brother, sisters now long ago Ex-boyfriend and our Mother! One of the best nights of my life.. So, much heaviness lifted just for a moment’s time. To share some smiles. Unforgettable memories.. We ALL hold onto dearly. On with the night.. now leading into dreaded mourning lights. Kahlua based drinks, secretly laced with vodka.. Hmm who did that? I don’t even have to think. Side Bet always has jokes and something up her sleeve.. Two am and of course were not ready to go! Where’s the after party? Where’s my phone? Where’s your phone! Oh those were the days. Simplicity.. Yet, so completely complicated. ALL because of ignorance. We were ALL asleep. Needed someone to open the curtains and let the light in. For every one of us was so intensely bright we were blinded by each-other. ALL searching for something. A flashlight. On our path.. Not working together. I think our minds have opened. We hear you. With out hearing.. The universe has spoken. Inhale. Exhale. I breathe in my prayer. Ahhhhh I have now released it to God. Magnetic energy released into the air. I close my eyes..  On cloud.. ten. I open them. A perfect rainbow. A pelican lands.. right on top of the gold. Now the real question is.. Where is the Gold?

Shhhh it’s me..

Hello world it’s me.. battered, shattered, still standing, strong as steel and.. yet  alone.

Well, here I am. It’s me. I most always have a lot to say! As of today… It’s just all about saying it the right way. If there ever is a right way..? Is there? Or do you not just say it.? People have a hard time accepting the truth. The truth will truly set you free!
There is so much more to come.. Thank you for subscribing to my blog. You probably will not be disappointed. However, there are times when you may want to be sitting. So, you do not get blown away! xoxo me

Everyone (seriously) asks me this same question…? “Who are you Hold Card?”  Well… I am on my journey figuring that out myself actually. Do you ever really know who you are? Can you find yourself? I believe so. With time. With ??? That is the part I’m still missing.

It’s me here, just me.. Maybe not the same old me.. A mix of sorts. A little girl (trapped in this woman’s body), A sexy ass woman (trapped in this scared little girls body), A crazy impatient oh so loving and loving so hard and so real that I am completely out of control most of the time.

I LOVE loving. I HATE losing. Especially someone. Every someone is the something that continues to make “me” want to continue to wake up and breathe day after day. Yes, that for me is also a challenge. As of right now..

Maybe I don’t want to make myself known.  Maybe I’m not ready.. Maybe you already know who I am. Maybe, just maybe… I am just so tired.. and want to speak freely, openly about the catastrophe of this thing we call life or some the Matrix.

The one thing I do know for sure is.. my reality is so real. That all I can do is to give it to REAL.