Je Suis

I fuck with a Boss. I worship a cross. I’m a star baller being coached by the mastermind of hustler. My grinds gritty. My face pretty. I loathe self-pity. My language witty. My dream crush nipsey. But, it can’t be. That’s ALL Lauren. He adores her – RESPECT – I gotta lot of sense. Not common. Rare.  Pressured. Flawless. Like Bey.. I woke up like this. Yeah, I woke up like this.

I crush hard. I’m shy. I pull my hush card. I’ll always look you in your eyes. Social anxiety. I run solo. Trekking up this mountain. I’m ADD. I’m manic. I hate. Hate. I love. Love. No panic.  Rypolar. Bicoastal. I hydrate in ocean lined states. I’m a body mechanic. Hush Life body enhancement. My bed a hammock. A mental tune-up. I feel better with color on my skin. I feel better with color within-ME. My ocean runs deep. Ry’s island. My secret lush garden. My etheric energy causes you to harden. Demons creep. I weep my insecurities to four am. My inner turmoil. I regroup by digging my hands in soil. Life. Living. Giving. LOYAL. Change means growth. I’m growing so fast I need new clothes. Straps on my boots broke. Constantly pulling them up. Super glued soles. No excuses. Superglue hold. I win on a bluff. No crutch. I’m icy. Chanel shades. Feisty. Fuck I am who I am. I am MAHRIAH. A survivor. A girl on fire. A super woman. A wild wind. A force with in. A Sasha fierce. You want a piece of me?? Britney Spears. I’m crazy sexy cool. Around the world girl. I’ve lived lives within life. I’ve lived that world. Right now I’m in the cut. Laying low. Shaping. Sharpening. Shadowing Z…53075022_2835620049813554_8088336433925849088_n

I can’t get enough of this girl. I’m addicted to her. I’m conflicted by her. I need to know her. Adore her. I’m falling in love with her. Love making love to her. I’m beginning to become her. My characters are beginning to merge. All the extra I’m learning to purge. Communications getting better. I’m learning to use my words. My smile is my sword. Fuck my lock pick. Universal language my smile opens ALL doors. Floorboards silent. My stilettos on the shelf. Grind time. I rock my combat boots. My roots. Authorized housing. Bright Blue Door. I learned to ask for what I need and take what I want. I’m in my head. I’m in my body. I feel less crowded. Less sweet. More naughty. Personal space. Perimeter me. By invitation only.

Je Suis~

 

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Together we walk the line

Mastermind ∞ I am so blessed.. I know this. Mastermind. Mine. ALL mine. Whom means the world to me..  My entire universe. Including, Distant worlds.. The milky way; and undiscovered galaxies. YOU my love are  my invisible  dark  energy. The glue holding all we are together. Staying ready for 2012 and any and everything. While you walk the distance. Experiencing hatred and others with nothing to lose. You accept this fate.  I double knot your laces. I hate this cold place you’re in. Yet, You take it for what it’s worth and begin this journey in your own shoes here on planet earth. The respect I have for you!  Taking care of big boy business.  You do what you say you’re gonna do. You come in truth. A man of his word. Understanding that we are in purgatory. This is HELL. We must pass this test to turn the page and see what’s next.  Another chapter. You will not close this book. We never fold. ALL In from hand number one.  That’s what happens when your young and in love. Raised to never give up. No matter what. Stay true to who you are. Yes, sometimes that creates scars. War wounds of sorts. Never ending stories in and out of different Port(holes)/Court(doors). Distant love holds forever strong.  However long. This shall take. I will be here. Standing tall. Standing strong.

Never jeopardizing Me. Us. My safety.  Respecting are true love and all my needs. His backbone straight and strong. More than man enough to say I’m sorry baby… Poppy.. was wrong…

The love we share. Can not compare to any other feeling. When my King speaks, I proudly listen to his thoughts ideas and secret missions. Encouraging words of hard knock wisdom. I love this man. I am his #1 fan. We invested our everything into our kingdom (you&me). My Ruler and his Queen. A true definition of a start-up. We were built from the ground up. Foundation poured with the best cement. I’m talking designer Louis print.  You know it’s held up well. Designed to last. Never falter. Not a sway. No matter what distance. No need for quick wit there is no delay or change of planes. A constant yearning. Interior battlefield. I see the white flag. I surrender God. With you I KNOW we will be okay. Considering  the constant raging flames from the past few years of HELL.  Tear down. Never that. We respect our history. So, we put in the work to repair the settled cracks.  Inspection failed. Yeah we were for real.. I carry with me my heart of steel. Needle and thread on hand for quick repair. Tissue in purse to wipe tears on the loose. Always ready. Always prepared. Like the dude from running scared. His body is all I need. My safe-place. Our combined magnetic energy exuding out the seams quickly recharging while simultaneously enlightening me breathing entirely new life into me. Mastermind madly in love with you “I AM”

As much as I love words describing my feelings for you is tough to describe. You are the glimmer that resides in my eyes. The spark in the night. A Shooting star back-lit by moon lite. Exploding fireworks in the sky. My flashlight.  My nightlight. I hear your name.. My body begins to ignite! All systems Go. This vessels ready to take flight.

It’s just not one in-particular thing.. It literally is just about every little thing.  Consciously knowing all this. Already experienced the happiness. The roadblocks and bliss. I close my eyes to taste your lips. I feel your body embracing mine. I hold this feeling. Drift asleep… ZZ zzzzz ZZ Zzz Wandering in a forest.. there you are Poppy.. You found me.

Lets stay here forever.. Avatars we are. Rain, Sun or Shine. Me and You surrounded by a higher feeling. Unseen. Supreme Being.. Divinity circles you while you circle me. The light is SO bright I feel it. I feel you. ALL the way through. Mirror image. You and I. Together right now in another world. Only thing between this one and that one is light. You guided me there. Made me dig real deep. Held in my breath. The fractal appeared so deep.. Little did I realize it was you who was holding me.. and when I opened my eyes. I see you for an instant. Fuzzy. Fading.. into star-dust. I lay there in lust. Paralyzed in love. For you are I and I AM you and we together are God and God is us too.

My Benny.. Your June.  Your Bonnie… My Clyde.  My Desi… Your Lucy.  Your June… My Johnny.

Only the strong survive.

I’m here with you. Your not alone and neither am I. Together we’ll walk this line.

Cocoa butter baby

Your so cool. Your so fly.

Green·Blue mood ring eyes.

Nobody could fill your shoes. My super sexy secret agent.

Mastermind. Mine all mine.

Can we chill? Slam a shot.

Grab the leash. Walk the beach.

No worries bout our sandy feet.

Rain boots work perfectly.

Just you & me & our four legged mixture of both our personalities.

Full moon. Sleep till noon..

Trying to control my urge to bite you.

Taste you. Cocoa butter baby.

All rubbed down. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Bed time! Only a quarter to nine.

Flow

Twelve years later…

An inner secret most quietly kept. An inner longing that makes no sense. Do or Don’t. Back and Forth. Where we went wrong. Fresh tears. Same dance. Same song. How many more years will I prolong this desire inside of me.. Trying to work on my time. An unattractive controlling habit of mine. Realizing that this does not always work. Stacking my deck. Attempting to interfere with Gods work. Days turned to weeks turned to months. Years have now passed. New generations growing up fast. Hesitantly still praying for my chance.. Unsure of how long this feeling will last.. It comes and it goes you see. My strengths tested daily. The state of the world making me that much more afraid. I won’t even start about the pain! Soon all turns to shame. Arguments arise and then words reignite flames and here starts this never-ending cycle of our mentally depleting blame game.. Pain no more. Nothing to gain from hurt-fullness.. (in truth) the devils madness. Deep in shadow, lies secretly just the longing  for a gentle kiss that will lead to your seed.. A privy glimpse of the hit or miss of my most intimate monthly business.

Broken BALANCE Beam

Balance. Breathe. I will end up stretching myself completely thin. I’m currently living in the worlds most stretchiest skin. I have yet to witness.. an analogy.. true reality. Double jointed matrix inspired back bends. Dipping and dodging stray bullets and telephone lines. Negative thoughts a deadly virus contiguously over taking the weak. My life is not bleak. No hide and seek. I am here. Hide no more. Just guarded most always unwilling to open the door. For its shut for a reason. Realizing the season of summer is now. Even with this sunshine in sky I do not have energy from much-needed vitamin D to look you in your eyes. You’ll leave me exasperated back to square one picking myself up again off the floor. Loneliness is planning its take over.