Changes are happening and I am so afraid. I can pull the covers over my head. But, when I awake guilt stricken at the loss of another day. This nightmares not going to go away. I’m conscious and in denial at the same time. If I could make just one wish it would be to rewind the hands of time. Then all wrongs could be made right and this sometimes depressing memoir I wouldn’t have to write.. I’d probably be in Africa taking pictures of giraffes and stuff in safari khakis singing, dancing, acting a nut. Living the real me. Not under twenty-four hour scrutiny of the pure irony of each and every misery held in contempt. No one to talk to. Nowhere to vent. Damaging our health. Depleting ourselves. Let it out. Let it out! Sometimes it takes a shout or two. To release my inner demons. My rage is off the rictor. It’s making me sicker than I was before.
FUCK I thought I already closed that door. Two dead-bolts and three master locks. My own locks been hit. Picked. Aware and conscious. Obviously asleep at the wheel. Should have set the alarm. Oh yeah.. (virus protection canceled).
My name Δ An echo… Through the depths of his eyes. Hope will last eternity ∞ Or is it that which is disease? JAZ a murmured SHOCK ♥ People scattering as if a flock…. Glossy tear dropped eyes reflect… Against the pain in mind. †HELL† called out to her. It is only grief… and the utmost pain I have stirred. Good morning fire sparking off into her skin… Leaving burnt marks scattered across my nose and chin. A black rose. A chilling silence. As awkward wind blows… A knock on his window.. Eyes fluttering twice.. A (single) black tear falls from the pupil of his eye ♥ My name JAZ a whispered murmur through the crowd ♥ My name JAZ a whispered murmur growing LOUD.
Years of ignorance. Outsiders looking in. Excitement and bliss ruled my sound world. Internally conscious. This took me my whole life. All the pre-programmed desires of needing to be a ridiculously financially secure mother and always desireable, adored wife and truly believing that was my “completion” in life. Now what do you think? Breathe, Hic-Up, Blink. Thoughts become reality (everything around you started with a thought). With the realization I truly am from another galaxy. Perfect as is? Yes & No. Defragment needed. Uninstalling this corrupted software often referred to as spyware. The very virus that quickly activates death-ware. Stare yourself in the mirror. Look beyond the glaring insecure stare. Don’t stop. Trust. Focus. Quickly all becomes clear. Doubled. Freedom in air. Don’t break your concentration. So much deeper to go. You’ll know when you’re in stereo.
Not your average girl. Not just a trophy for show. Stop for a minute. The power with in me is on overflow and releasing uncontrollably for the Gods have taken control of me. Externally a vision. Jaw dropper. Car stopper. Moon walker. Any hacker could not stop her. You got her (×2). Reboot your system. Rethink your vision. With your eyes you’ve witnessed gusts of winds to a steady ocean floor. Even with poked out lips and baby baring hips so phat her heart remained yours. Energy level inside her you judged to quick. System crash. Zapped. Nothing left. Zip.
Never. Just, taking my time quietly kept.
In most real form. Priceless intruety. Respectfully internally. Blessed externally. Compatibility: Twin software you manifested titled “me”…. With all this… ignorant heartbreaking thing we title “bliss” Defragment because you want to. I crashed my system and the rebuilds taken longer than expected. Kindness forgiving disrespect. A hold card never second guesses her place or dare ponder the thought of locked souls and pad locked gates. Learn me. Become fluent. My desires have changed. I no longer need any twenty-million dollar estate. I’m perfect as is at my teeny tiny not so usually generous so forgiving succulent desirable irresistable mouth-watering ridiculously perfection of shape.
I’m waiting password protected at the gate. P.S. Hurry up. Quit being consciously late. Upgrade?!?
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010
Dont take her kindness for weakness. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love. She put you above all else. Imprisoned in-house. Now that hair has began to gray. Subtle signs of unsuretys if he wished he’d chosen another way. Or will he weather this storm and protect the still unsealed cracks in the astronomical amount of foundation already laid. Ignorance is bliss. Some say. What’s this about God? Reflection in mirror this representation of my soulistic precious guarded interior. The beauty of a tear. drop… Stop! this madness. Insanity. No sadness. You desire a dime. Yet you have a quarter. A vision of beauty. A rare mix of DNA from every border. Do I follow these signs you consistently show? Or do I obsess over google earth at all the endless open space and windy roads? Poverty brought me possibilities of visions and dreams coded in only ways available for me to see. It’s completely your choice to join me. Let me show you me. Please allow me, take a breath. Want to know me? You always showin me. Are you seein me? Just doin me? Or are you just doin you? So, many years in living soul-y for you ♥
I miss myself you sea. The yearning has turned to pain and this river of mine runs deep. I’ve always played for keeps. A hold card of suits keeps me a float. Steady on my feet. I used to ask where she went. She’s been here all along… Time bent ∞ An infinite soul. Stages, Places and Time all an internal perception individually to each mind. Just as beauty… What is it truly? God has blessed me with more than most. I’m on overflow and he’s been with me now so long his personal perception is telling his mind that maybe… I’ve let myself go in retrospect. Just remind yourself my finger holds no shadow creating that magical programmed completion glow. Luckily my system has been updated, upgraded. Hacked into an impressive network with memory capabilities connecting with you compatibility aesthetically astounding this priceless creation is not just for show. All systems stay ready and programmed to go. I prefer Euros £
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010
Or the slow lane. However at 160 mph.. who’s really paying attention to the lanes? Let alone blinkers. You take the space you need and you fly. Freely everything begins to take its place. You are one with your ultimate driving machine. Now, do you ever notice the silent language spoken on the highway? Wonder what language is being spoken? It always fascinates my copilot. Speaking without sound. Speaking with so much as the style of your driving. It is also an art. If you spend great amounts of time behind the wheel it is a language you may want to learn. This language you can not order from Rosetta Stone. This will take time, confidence, respect and understanding. Sit back, buckle up and take direction while at the same time remembering that sometimes rules are meant to be broken. Or rules would not exist.
It may take you a moment to notice. because it’s not really a road language. It’s a highway language first. The more aware and calm you start to become you will realize by action who speaks this language and who does not. You will notice the simplicity of a perfectly parked vehicle. The sexiness of a confident driver. The responsibility and the seriousness of knowing how to operate your machine. Truckers know this song and dance. This is what they do. Everyday. So, if you find yourself with out a cb (go figure) driving cross-country start your conversation with them first. Okay lets roll.
Step Two: Stay ready. Therefore you don’t have to get ready. Life moves fast. Keep up. One flash of your brights should be a clear indication to get over and out-of-the-way. It’s not rude. It’s giving the other vehicle before you the courtesy that your coming up on them and it would be in their best interest to get out-of-the-way. You may have to flash them more than once (double dose). That’s a… get the fuck out-of-the-way. Usually the vehicle will move. But, we have all experienced that one vehicle who believes their duty is to police the streets. Slow you down. Quickly brake check you. That is the most ignorant thing a vehicle can do. You never ever know what another person is going through. Their passenger could be in labor, dying on their way to a hospital. Where ever. The point is. It’s not any of your business. Quit being such a nosy person. If you want to be the police. Go sign up for the academy. You should be in the defense not offense. This vehicle should be compared to a run away train. Sound heavy? Good you might be getting the point. This vehicle may be completely unstable, waiting for just the right moment to fly full speed ahead into who? You. Into oncoming traffic. Why, they are not thinking and here you are.. being nosy, trying to be the hero. Well, in my opinion (and yes, I have more than most) your going to end up a dead hero.
Stay in your lane. Pick your battles. This vehicle may just want to fly.. not a great reason to you? People blow their engines out all the time. Why do you care so much? Why are you wasting energy on something that has nothing to do with you? Stop. Do you. It’s not that I don’t care. It boils down to at the end of your day the only person you can control is you. Stop trying to control situations and people who you have no control over. You will burn your engine out.. Care about something you can change. Yourself. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Stop passing judgment. Do you. Be you. Stay in your lane.
This is a quote I ♥ Sadness is when you care about everything. Depression is when you care about nothing.
There are so many depressed people in the world. Don’t get caught up in the wrong lane.
Buckle up or not. Stay in your lane & never forget fair exchange is no robbery.