Gotta write. Gotta wrap my head around the truth of what is happening before my very eyes. My energy is zapped and and I seem to be having a difficult time typing.. tears in eyes. Focusing on other objects, books, words, and smiles.. Sometimes I have to ask myself if this blogs truly worthwhile.. I miss everything! I miss the sky being that perfect shade of blue. Since you’ve been gone It will not shift from this awful gloomy gray to baby blue eyes “Truth” blue.
For you are I and I am you. Mirror image. Flickers of light guide me to answers through the night. In my dream state is where we most relate. Sweaty palms.. for I am being guided. I’m not hiding. I’m ready and willing for this never ending Godly feeling. LOVE. You have enlightened me. In ways that you may not realize that may take years to see.. and yes you shall see. The blessings you’ve bestowed upon me. Right now I am staring at a jigsaw puzzle that has left me nothing less then puzzled. Angry in such a way any; everybody would agree to muzzle -ME.
Opinionated and tempting to be the quiet girl at the same time. An oxymoron. However in my eyes. Fully Justified. From the outside looking in I look as though I’m a crazy woman. Truly mad. I’m just processing, De-fragmenting and thinking. Sometimes that means out loud. Dissecting these atoms of information and as soon as I FINALLY get to the middle. Shaken. On lonely ground. Profound. The abundance of information down–loaded into sound. Emptiness is what’s in the middle. Is this such a surprise? and if so.. why Hold Card? Why? Is this so different from you or you or myself (I)? So, this puzzle you see. What this is doing to me? Nobody want’s to listen. Everything I’m saying they question. ??? Too deep. Confusing. Rambling.. No understanding what so ever. A closed mind. A program installed in spirals. It was over the moment it went viral.
Now let me put it in a song. I’ll give you just a moment.. a phat ass beat. (Look at yourself) Your singing along. Lyrics that a moment ago.. caused you to frown. Feeling bad about yourself.. gazing down-ward. That’s all I’m saying are words. Only complete difference is my words come in truth. Truth does not lie and at times it can hurt. But, if there were only lies and no truth what then would be honesty’s worth? There is Honor is Honesty. Truth = Love. Love = God. All this YOU taught to me., My aura in life. Everything narrow. Everything right and if I truly live this way. This is the ONLY way to make sure everything will be alright. I believe in you. I trust everything you’ve ever told me. Not a day goes by, Not an hour, Not a minute, Not a second. That I close my eyes internally and feel you. Become you. Live in the mere essence of you. In your love. I view the world with blue eyes. A tint of reflection only felt by you my twin soul for I am you and you are I. Feel me. For I am always with you. My heart is big and if nothing else. Like UP it will lift you. Capricorn babies. Little old souls. Three days and three years. 33 I feel a power ball number manifesting. For money is not the answer. It’s more of a form of cancer. Yet, if treated in just the right way. A nightmare can quickly fade into a gradient disguised blessing. Hmmm maybe that’s why the sky’s gray..? Possibly a form of our Fathers test. Should not be any different from acing all the rest. Character is a virtue. In a virtual world. Imperfection nears devastation.
A catchy beat to help you move your feet and suddenly I got the hottest track on earth. Spitting the same shit.. Dispersing LOVE infusing sound. Adding glitzy diamonds, gold and paper. All a form of mother nature. Justify the over-sized words. That a moment ago threw you into a tailspin of anxious anxiety from insecurities, boredom or fear from my truthful words of what is coming. What is happening and what is near. Just looking out for you. For we are all mirror images and I am just reciting the nerves in question I feel inside you. A five year old pronounces as if nothing. Yet, an intellectual conversation is the basis for a boring, quiet talk.. No drama, no drag, with that gone. Complete loss of swag. Only existing on the account of false self worth. It is you who taught me to slow down, take notes and understand what I even am. To take the time invest in me. Educate and take a stand on my firm beliefs. An earthquake could not shake the foundation of this heavenly premium cement sealed and bonded. Feeling lonely and week is just the bend I need for balance in KNOWING nothing and or know-one can break me. My strength supersedes any seed you try to slip me. I don’t do mixed drinks. Come at me real. Real is what you get. You hear my name.. it’s impossible not too see you. For the wind is picking up. I’m here to carry you through. I love you. I love you. I love you. (.3.)x11= (?) The rest of the world in question.
Twelve years later…
An inner secret most quietly kept. An inner longing that makes no sense. Do or Don’t. Back and Forth. Where we went wrong. Fresh tears. Same dance. Same song. How many more years will I prolong this desire inside of me.. Trying to work on my time. An unattractive controlling habit of mine. Realizing that this does not always work. Stacking my deck. Attempting to interfere with Gods work. Days turned to weeks turned to months. Years have now passed. New generations growing up fast. Hesitantly still praying for my chance.. Unsure of how long this feeling will last.. It comes and it goes you see. My strengths tested daily. The state of the world making me that much more afraid. I won’t even start about the pain! Soon all turns to shame. Arguments arise and then words reignite flames and here starts this never-ending cycle of our mentally depleting blame game.. Pain no more. Nothing to gain from hurt-fullness.. (in truth) the devils madness. Deep in shadow, lies secretly just the longing for a gentle kiss that will lead to your seed.. A privy glimpse of the hit or miss of my most intimate monthly business.
Ring! Ring!! Hello..???
You’ve got ½ a second to choose where you intend to take this conversation. I’ll give you your moment. However, I must warn you first. If you begin with have you heard, you’re never going to guess what/why/who!?!, Ranting bitter negative gossipy drama. An addiction of holding on… to nothing. Learn to value your time. Value yourself. Time is one thing that once it’s gone. It’s the past. You are left with nothing more than a memory. Learn to respect it and others will have no choice but to follow suit. The reason I try to make you aware of these things is solely so you do not fold your hand in desperation do to exasperation. when you truly deserve to be uplifted on a pedestal. Put your game face on. My request to you: I ask you please when you dial me, come to me with some positivity. Promise to answer most of the time. I’ll look forward to conversations with you and sharing my valuable time. Gotta go! That’s my line. Happiness awaits 98% of the time..
Heavy/Weight = Emotional Brain Space CAPACITY: FULL
3:58pm Craving wedding cake… and no not pregnant. Just… I… “really love” wedding cake. When you don’t go out of your way to attend weddings.. Long, stunningly depressingly saddening weddings. (hey, you were the one pondering.. how I could not love weddings?!?) Okay so now you get it. With all that said, Now you can see how real wedding cake is a true treat and quite hard to come by. So, heres a taste of my delectable day! Bon appetite` sweets!
Secret yearnings of the desire to stake out a mission of an all day wedding cake taste test escapade! Perfectly moist… fluffy and rich! I’m drooling already! I can’t wait to taste! Frosted to perfection… oh how it melts so deliciously in my mouth.. such small bite sized samples. (I only think to myself) Yum, yummy sinful delights. This is not enough. These tiny little bitty bites of cakealicious delights… Ohh the bakery smells my eyes are closed. even still my hand unexposed.. heaven on earth is in my mouth.. So, delectably delicious. I wouldn’t choose to be anyplace else. Suddenly brought back…. Excuse me miss?? Oh my wedding date you say??? Posture instantly straight. Umm… can we please just taste another slice of cake? As, I also need to take my fiance` mastermind a variety of tasty cakes for today he could not make our wedding cake sampling date… he’s currently in outer space… expected back to earth.. weather permitting.. Tuesday… oh, anyway. My boys are here consulting me in making my decision in helping me sampling your tasty treats! While masterminds out of orbit. exhibiting stars. checking out pluto the demoted planet… with a quick stop at mars… Snap. Snap. Doe eyed hardly attainable chuckles and gasps. Oh, well thank you I say for your Congratulations and kind regards for my upcoming day. Oh yes we would all love a sample!!! Floyd.. Floyd.? Floyd??? I’ll take Floyd’s. Gerard’s as excited as I am well maybe that’s an over statement. But, we are here together on this secret mission. He’s just enjoying his fantasy bond boys facade.. Floyd’s embarrassment continues to deepen. secretly he’s loving every minute of it! refueling Gerard’s twisted form of pure entertainment.. Personally, I just want more cake. Stepping out… Pause. Wait.. What have I forgotten..? Masterminds cake…! Which, I’ll soon devour wont last a bit of eight…minutes. This kind girl packages Masterminds delicate assorted slices sealed and chilled safely for at least the next few hours. In time for his return. Little does she know..Masterminds at home last I checked or hmm you never know… maybe he’s deep at sea, or… hung up at Cern getting ready for the bang overall it’s really none of your concern. We’ll enjoy the mystique. You just work on the art of this technique.
Take control of the conversation.
What do you want?
Where am I taking you?
What do I want from you?
Dont take her kindness for weakness. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love. She put you above all else. Imprisoned in-house. Now that hair has began to gray. Subtle signs of unsuretys if he wished he’d chosen another way. Or will he weather this storm and protect the still unsealed cracks in the astronomical amount of foundation already laid. Ignorance is bliss. Some say. What’s this about God? Reflection in mirror this representation of my soulistic precious guarded interior. The beauty of a tear. drop… Stop! this madness. Insanity. No sadness. You desire a dime. Yet you have a quarter. A vision of beauty. A rare mix of DNA from every border. Do I follow these signs you consistently show? Or do I obsess over google earth at all the endless open space and windy roads? Poverty brought me possibilities of visions and dreams coded in only ways available for me to see. It’s completely your choice to join me. Let me show you me. Please allow me, take a breath. Want to know me? You always showin me. Are you seein me? Just doin me? Or are you just doin you? So, many years in living soul-y for you ♥
I miss myself you sea. The yearning has turned to pain and this river of mine runs deep. I’ve always played for keeps. A hold card of suits keeps me a float. Steady on my feet. I used to ask where she went. She’s been here all along… Time bent ∞ An infinite soul. Stages, Places and Time all an internal perception individually to each mind. Just as beauty… What is it truly? God has blessed me with more than most. I’m on overflow and he’s been with me now so long his personal perception is telling his mind that maybe… I’ve let myself go in retrospect. Just remind yourself my finger holds no shadow creating that magical programmed completion glow. Luckily my system has been updated, upgraded. Hacked into an impressive network with memory capabilities connecting with you compatibility aesthetically astounding this priceless creation is not just for show. All systems stay ready and programmed to go. I prefer Euros £
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010