Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM

Need to start writing again.. My end of the evening cleanse. Like journaling.. writing to ALL of you is a true form of therapy. Venting. Breathing through my pen. Letting you in.. Instead of just expecting you to understand.. why it’s taken me so long to come back.. Reflecting on my most intimate moments. Refueling your love. I miss your comments.. Must keep this blog running. Solid. No cracks. So, you ALL continue to show love and have a reason to check back. Check on me.. No more holding back.. No matter how HEAVY life continues to get.. I shall never forget. ALL the love. ALL the support. ALL the feedback. Reminders. Fuel for court. I have shut down again in a sense. Moving ultra fast. Different location. Everyday new destinations. Attempting to fit as much as each new day allows. No longer stopping long enough to write about what happens on my journey of my daily prowl.. Becoming as direct as Simon Cowell. I blot my forehead after HOT yoga with a downy softened towel. Stopping to write means forcing myself to rethink , relive, re-breathe the pain I just exhaled. Moving onto the next obstacle, next step keeping my stamina for what I know is coming next…

I close my eyes in hopes to forget. Push aside.  No more puff puff pass.. to subside the anxiety lurking inside. If I stop to explain I mean say.. anything about any I mean ALL of it.. I may just possibly sink quicksand deep. With no coming back. Because……………………….. I’m tired. I truly am. I arrived here.. to what feels like a whole new planet.. Instantly to massive wait. I came ready for battle. As if I were conditioning for Kuwait. BAM, BOMB, HATE, FATE, State of disaster, Fast. FasT, FASTER! One thing after another. CONFLICT. Mishaps. Compiling. Merging disasters! Passing by mirrors. I don’t recognize this girl. Only reacting to smoke signals. Everything most important. Love potent. Directing me. Through feeling, desire, GOD. Time moving FAST. No moment appears to last. Replaced by Rage. Igniting to flames carried along in the wind. Love conflicted with Sin. Stretched…. ALL the way out. THIN. In weight as in wealth. Gaining richness as in health. I bide my time. Needed. De-pleated. Sucked empty. Manuka honey. I find very little funny. Serious as I want to be. I AM energy. Resourcefulness enough to lighten up a mood. Brighten up a room. Flip you like a light-switch your attitude. Smiling with sincere gratitude. Blessed, Happiness, Luck, Joy I exude when I AM ON. off I shut down when I am alone. Calming my inner soul. I speak to my Grandpa with such.. clarity. Crisp clear words flow from my lips. I practice patience where he lives. I am forced to slow down . Becoming.. gentle. Docile with a fiery inner strength. I choose my words with great care. I do not curse. I feel blessed beyond words to have this time. As time is limited. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime and into the next. I keep my telephone near. To hear the calls I anticipate daily. My daily bread. Lifelines. Hanging up recharged. In bed at night I say my prayers. No-longer picking up my pen. Feeling power in my prayers. My God. Granting my desires. Forgiving my sins. Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM.

Advertisements

Blessing in disguise

Jail-Cops-DUI-No goodbye… Understand??? How could I? Corrupt rookie cops, in search of overtime. Haters will be haters. A badge their right to passage? Seals their savage fate. Fighting for a cause founded on ignorance and hate. Okay. This is about to get good. Better than Waiting at the gate.!. Pour a drink. Smoke some smoke. Enjoy the free entertainment of our night of hell and terror in the hands of the LAPD. This is better than reality TV! Hearing it straight from my mouth. No producers editing my words out. Truly enforcing my first amendment freedom of speech. You’ll hear from both perspectives. Me as He & Me as Me. It’s been about a month or so…  This experience I like to refer to as another test.. has ever more awakened me. Crazily! By the very people tax dollars are taken from to protect me? You see… the only reason I am able to make light of this, Unbelievable LAPD wanna be gladiator intimidatory one-sided fighters.. is this misfortune was actually a miracle in our eyes a true blessing in quite the disguise! This meant to be occurrence just added years to both our lives. Thank you from the Masterminds wife.

(Me as He) In my heart I know.. another test to force her growth. I watch her heart-break as they take me away. I got a strong bitch so I know she will be okay. I’ll be back in a day which truly translates to roughly -28mths. off this current case. methodically planned out. Dotting all i’s & double-crossing my t’s. The life of a Mastermind.. My hold card held dear her words real. pure. This life has reinforced her. Thickened her skin. A muse of consciousness. Aware & alert. Decoding the signs, Understanding life’s actions accepting reactions, living in stereo with the divine. Balancing life.  A Masterminds wife. Yes, I have one bad bitch. She’s not offended by that. Keep listening to her and you will soon learn, if you don’t already. It’s nothing but respect=love.