The Inevitable

I am officially at a loss. Lost cause. This time won’t you save me. Fuck all of this. Is that my dying wish. My last kiss. Nothing left to give. Nothing left inside. I watch myself disregard my life. Just.. Way too much. Enough is enough. I’m tired. Weakness has prevailed. I sit here dormant. Worthless bitch in true form. Reflection in mirror. I can barely look. I look and say what a waste.. A fucking disgrace. I belong nowhere. I have nowhere to go anyway. I gave up that life. A someone close to me would say. Another pathetic personality.. Yeah, yeah. Poor poor me. It’s more than that. I would not be in this position if my heart was not trampled upon. How long shall I prolong the inevitable. Insanity you ALL say. Whatever it is… Disregard me. Throw my memory away..  like garbage. I can’t take this shit. I’m serious. Did the best I could. No more empty promises for what’s coming next. Turn me into a diamond when the time comes. Remove ALL my flaws, rudeness, roughness and recent disgustness. I have been here over 30 years. I have done over half of them in tears. In ALL bed alone. My brother once said to me.. Well, rather showed to me my tombstone..  Same name.. Resting in 2011. Well here you are. Just continue to leave me bruised, battered and scared. I’m tore up. Tore down. I wear a permanent frown. I don’t recognize me. I know longer want to be with this girl you see. I don’t need her, you or anyone. I hear from somebody different every single day. It was only a matter of time I’d to be infected. Taken over my mind. Heart no longer working.. Only bleeding pain.  Built around me reinforced walls of hate. I don’t expect anyone to relate. You will not get near me. I awaken alone. Done with the phone. No company. Not interested. In you looking at me passing judgment upon me.  Like Whoopi recently said “In my world experience trumps assumption”. “Blow me a kiss. Say your goodbye. Save your tears. I have mine as wipe a single tear from my left eye.