ALL IN – I DO
In my head. Need to be crawling into bed. I’m plottin’ on over drive. Slick. SHIT. I know.. where this mind-state gets.. me. Trouble or a double-UP. Fuck. Yup… I’m trusting my gut. YNOT? RYNOT. ALL day. Wheels spinnin. My smile on. Grinning. Ear to ear. The taste of your lips sooo near. FUCK. Drip–Stain. I love that kinda pain. Top secret. Switch. Loyalty is returned. I try to behave.. I really-really do… but, when there are so many options what’s a girl to do? Now that’s one glorious mind fuck. I never run outta luck. I got the heart of a hustler. The face of an angel. I write my own story. I blaze… in clouds of glory. I smoke solo. Han solo and Princess Leia. My love.. Yoda. May the force be with you. And also with you. I restore. Brainstorm in these Portland rain storms. Dream create galore. These basic bitches can’t compete. I smile first. No compete – Clause – Applause. I’m a billion dollar bitch. I’ll infect you with you my energy and you will never be quite the same. Life is a test. Life is a game. I never lose. Either I win or I learn. And a Queen always protects her King. Assessment report came back insane. Fuck that label rx game. I’m brilliant at this poker game. My life pressures turned my flawless. Hearts on fire. I gave up with out a tear.I knew what I was sacrificing and that sacrifice won me sixteen years. Talk about something real. That moment was raw. REAL. Off my finger. Moments flashed before my eyes. Whip-lashed my mind. On bended knee at Fernando’s Hideaway flashback on E you stunned me with your forever vows and a ring so perfect you silenced a salsa club rowdy crowd. I wore it true. True to you. And when it was time. I knew what I had to do. I slid it off… Placed it on that white mans velvet cloth. I watched as he removed stone by stone. Inspecting. Complimenting. Eyes twinkling. Off this lick. My heart hardening. Poker face. Fuck you. Pay me. Cold cash in hand. I always recount my money. I handed it to the attorney and told him bluntly to save his A$$. My clock is ticking and I need him back in time to impregnate me and feel our baby kick. I work hard for a cause. I work hard cause I’m hard.
Yet, I love you and you’ll feel it. You’ll judge me and I’ll absorb it. Morph it. Into strength you’ll walk away with. Skin therapy. I will meditate and replenish. Lightening speed. Lightening struck by me. Electrified. Touched by an angel. A stranger. You tell ALL your secrets too. Kindred hearts. Connected by a thirty minute session. I feel you. I’m listening. I’m transferring. I computing. I’m diluting the nonsense and sending you on your way with substance. You don’t even realize until it fully absorbs. But, I do… in your profound yelp reviews. My crazy serious loving impression will leave you in question? I got you. I’ll never share your secrets. You’ll come back for more cause I’m a mysterious soul. Bonnie and Clyde. Jay and Bey. Kim and Kanye.
Tony ♥ Ry. Dynasty. Monumental. Together we are our temple. Longest standing. Commanding. Duel respect.
To your life of nine to five rigid consistency. It’s okay. I’ll be that ray.. my light will never dull. I know. I’m full. On me. I earned this shit. Title: BOSS BITCH. Here hold my dignity real quick… I’ve got some sketchy shit to do. Never been a good girl. Raised in the hood girl. Chameleon upbringing. Racial division. Traumatic confusion. Hampton’s to New York City Lights. Beverley Hills to Toronto skies. Palm Beach to Oakland streets. My situations pretty situated. My intentions remain pure. However sketchy. I walk a fine line. When you’re a prison wife together you walk that line.
My best friend. My confidant. What am I going to do with out you? I know I keep asking. Dazed and confused. When I miss you already today.. Is this punishment for labels and greed? The only way God could consciously awaken me? A dagger in my heart. ‡ A red glimpse of caution. An earthquake inside devastates the even still innocent pure inner me my motherboard= operating software supported by you.. So, you see why I continue to ask.. what will I do.. Exposing all cards. every fear, every lie, every spy on their side. Flushed with shards of heart. A shattered soul no doubt. Beats remain. Complete madness. Sick normality confirm insanity. Everything out of my control. Unraveling at the seams. This is more than a bad dream. Hold on tight to every single thread. Spending most of our departing hours in bed. Charging and recharging. Energy renewing life into a shell of a body on the verge of being pronounced “dead”. Heavy. Yes. For “all” involved. A catastrophe what will end in a Masterpiece. Trust in me is what I hear. From every angle. All my angels. Every new step in a direction.., I call change that instantly flips the feeling of fear into defiant pains. Will (← free) be back. Just you wait. These words are just your hors d’oeuvres for what’s in store. Consider yourself cordially invited. An open door.
This is my time to tighten my boots. lace yourself up and stay ready for this hand of your life. Straight. Memoirs of a Masterminds Hold Card.
I’m letting it out some days by whisper.. I’ll try not to shout. The goals to stay in control. Reacting only with kindness and truth. God is on our side. I feel him now. Yes! A Full House.
Stay continued.. to read and soon listen to real memoirs of a masterminds Hold Card. It has been hard. It will get harder. I refuse to throw in my hand. I will play these cards I’ve been dealt. Like Floyd says I’m a prize-fighter. I’m not fighting for no worthless belt. My words are heartfelt.
Years of secrets. Most quietly protected and kept. This information is truly privy. You have no idea the value of the gift you about to get. You might as well subscribe now. Tomorrow holds no promises.. My Memoirs are moving fierce in the direction of speed of light. I see a soon to be purely exclusive site.
You and me are written in stars. download me. upgrade to me and I shall grant you pure exclusivity.
I am God.
Today I will be handling all your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time not yours.
Years of ignorance. Outsiders looking in. Excitement and bliss ruled my sound world. Internally conscious. This took me my whole life. All the pre-programmed desires of needing to be a ridiculously financially secure mother and always desireable, adored wife and truly believing that was my “completion” in life. Now what do you think? Breathe, Hic-Up, Blink. Thoughts become reality (everything around you started with a thought). With the realization I truly am from another galaxy. Perfect as is? Yes & No. Defragment needed. Uninstalling this corrupted software often referred to as spyware. The very virus that quickly activates death-ware. Stare yourself in the mirror. Look beyond the glaring insecure stare. Don’t stop. Trust. Focus. Quickly all becomes clear. Doubled. Freedom in air. Don’t break your concentration. So much deeper to go. You’ll know when you’re in stereo.
Not your average girl. Not just a trophy for show. Stop for a minute. The power with in me is on overflow and releasing uncontrollably for the Gods have taken control of me. Externally a vision. Jaw dropper. Car stopper. Moon walker. Any hacker could not stop her. You got her (×2). Reboot your system. Rethink your vision. With your eyes you’ve witnessed gusts of winds to a steady ocean floor. Even with poked out lips and baby baring hips so phat her heart remained yours. Energy level inside her you judged to quick. System crash. Zapped. Nothing left. Zip.
Never. Just, taking my time quietly kept.
In most real form. Priceless intruety. Respectfully internally. Blessed externally. Compatibility: Twin software you manifested titled “me”…. With all this… ignorant heartbreaking thing we title “bliss” Defragment because you want to. I crashed my system and the rebuilds taken longer than expected. Kindness forgiving disrespect. A hold card never second guesses her place or dare ponder the thought of locked souls and pad locked gates. Learn me. Become fluent. My desires have changed. I no longer need any twenty-million dollar estate. I’m perfect as is at my teeny tiny not so usually generous so forgiving succulent desirable irresistable mouth-watering ridiculously perfection of shape.
I’m waiting password protected at the gate. P.S. Hurry up. Quit being consciously late. Upgrade?!?
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010
Dont take her kindness for weakness. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love. She put you above all else. Imprisoned in-house. Now that hair has began to gray. Subtle signs of unsuretys if he wished he’d chosen another way. Or will he weather this storm and protect the still unsealed cracks in the astronomical amount of foundation already laid. Ignorance is bliss. Some say. What’s this about God? Reflection in mirror this representation of my soulistic precious guarded interior. The beauty of a tear. drop… Stop! this madness. Insanity. No sadness. You desire a dime. Yet you have a quarter. A vision of beauty. A rare mix of DNA from every border. Do I follow these signs you consistently show? Or do I obsess over google earth at all the endless open space and windy roads? Poverty brought me possibilities of visions and dreams coded in only ways available for me to see. It’s completely your choice to join me. Let me show you me. Please allow me, take a breath. Want to know me? You always showin me. Are you seein me? Just doin me? Or are you just doin you? So, many years in living soul-y for you ♥
I miss myself you sea. The yearning has turned to pain and this river of mine runs deep. I’ve always played for keeps. A hold card of suits keeps me a float. Steady on my feet. I used to ask where she went. She’s been here all along… Time bent ∞ An infinite soul. Stages, Places and Time all an internal perception individually to each mind. Just as beauty… What is it truly? God has blessed me with more than most. I’m on overflow and he’s been with me now so long his personal perception is telling his mind that maybe… I’ve let myself go in retrospect. Just remind yourself my finger holds no shadow creating that magical programmed completion glow. Luckily my system has been updated, upgraded. Hacked into an impressive network with memory capabilities connecting with you compatibility aesthetically astounding this priceless creation is not just for show. All systems stay ready and programmed to go. I prefer Euros £
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010
I wait in my car. Heated leather seats. Purebred 1000+ plus dog in my passenger seat. Sky roof.. nice gentle breeze. I can’t help but feeling three eyes gazing at me. I glance back making sure not to stare. This man lying in the grass. Peace & freedom line his face. Nowhere to be. Nowhere to go. Just one old plastic bag in stow. I look again this time a little harder.. I can’t help but stare as he appears unaware. All alone.. Under this tree. Feelings and emotions fluttering inside of me. Salt & Pepper stringy hair. Cowboy boots must be as old as him. As the soles are gone and what’s left of them wearing thin. I will not cry. This man gives me strength. I love this man. Yet, I know nothing of him.
An angel maybe •Absolutely a possibility. Through his eyes lye another world. Where is this man? What conversation is playing in his head? Tonight when I go to sleep in my warm bed. I will pray for this man. I ask that you join me and do the same.
I get out of my car. Looking effortlessly cute today. This man sees me approaching.. clearly neither knows what to say…. only God could have put these extra flip-flops in my trunk. He does not want them. Thank you anyway. I force myself to continue to say.. I know looks can be deceiving .. But, when I say I understand I truly do. You see my heart is broken and you have inspired me just by being you. So brother of mine. Possibly from another life time. I’ll set these right here and here is a few dollars to buy yourself a meal. God Bless is all I can say. This man is shaking before my eyes. DO NOT CRY ∞ DO NOT CRY I say to myself.
He smiles as big as he can still shaking shoes by his side, money in hand. Lord this is a good man. I do not know your future plan. Or even understand the current. But.. I just pray that he will be blessed with happiness as great as his smile was for me.
write or not to write? what is your question? to love or not to love. Do you know the definition? love seeker truth speaker i am me… mysteriously checking you out so high, high in the sky i fly effervescently consciously at ease please believe in the power you possess on this quest energy electricity magically ignites take flight I see with only my third eye this new world begins to take shape unconsciously conscious I awake completely aware of my blessed fate seeker of truth I chose like Jesus rose from the ground rich in beauty intense and profound truth in raw form love is. i am.