Category: Thoughts

Food for thought

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Mine,

I wish you.. Could hold me right now. Rock me to sleep.. Rub my head.. Whisper in my ear.. Tell me you love me.. Show me you love me..

I wish.. I could wake up tomorrow morning to your eggs.. Sliced tomatoes.. A couple of grapes.. I miss you. I wish we could lay side by side perfectly fitting.. Your face in my neck..
Ignoring ALL calls.. Breathing each other in. I yearn for your touch..

I wish I could do my eyes.. To match what I wear.. And hear.. You say you liked how I did them. And ask you to wear something to match me and you do.. I wish.. We could eat each other for lunch and have an ultra late dinner because we don’t want to let each other go.. I’m in love with you. I need “u” in my heart..

Yours.

FAITH

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Pyramid kisses.. Late night wishes dropped deep into a well.
Missing you like crazy. Living in a living hell. What dreams become.. Praying for a miracle from the Gods above.

Please Lord won’t you save me.. Bless my families broken heart of hearts. We can get through anything. But, ALL this is tearing us apart. I sit.. Still as still can be. Praying, breathing, praying for just about anything. Surround me with your angels every single one. I need you now. My prayer is real. Sincere. Most profound.
I show the world a pearly smile. Yet live the life of a frown.. Depression. Discretion.. It’s “u” I’m missing.. Please come back to me..

2010 in review

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 3,500 times in 2010. That’s about 8 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 70 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 166 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 16mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was September 22nd with 64 views. The most popular post that day was Together we walk the line.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, twitter.com, slashingtongue.com, stumbleupon.com, and ventura.craigslist.org.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for beauty, memoirs of a mastermind, shhh, sad love, and hooded.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Together we walk the line September 2010
1 comment and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

2

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda… May 2010
1 Like on WordPress.com,

3

Good morning sunshine! May 2010
2 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

4

Prize Fighter June 2010
9 comments and 1 Like on WordPress.com,

5

Who is.. Hold Card? May 2010
2 comments

Day Dream

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Do I care if I die..? Really..
I find myself asking myself this ALL the more often.

Most days.. I don’t think I do.
Most days.. I’m so beyond tired. I feel ready. Like hurry up won’t you already!

Heavy heart. Emotions tearing my insides apart. How much more I continue to wonder while I wander can this body take?

I watch myself deteriorate. Broken. I can never be fully repaired. These are more than war wounds. These are raw wounds of despair.

I look around for someone to grab hold to.. I quickly realize it’s only I on this ride. I circle and circle, up, down loop around. It’s quite a vicious cycle.
To the point of no return forces me to want to quickly recycle my carbon body and articles of doom. I look everyone in their eyes. I look deeply. Fascinated by ALL they hide.
I read them. I write them.
I relate. I look to life, late.
Is it fate?
Would you care? Do you? What would you do to get through?
Have you? I ask..
A lifeline perhaps?

MASTERPIECE = ME

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Sunny outside. Severe anxiety inside. To balance my emotions I close ALL curtains and blinds. Hiding from the light. Balancing myself in darkness I sell myself on the idea.. That I am just fine. Know-one really knows me. Just the idea of what they’ve built me up to be. I may be a little like her.. But, overall more of a stranger dealing with constant paranoia sending warning signs of DANGER. I pass a mirror.. Second glance. Stranger in my house. Distance growing.. Phone ringing. My insides screaming!!! WHAT??? NOW??? WHY….? HOW???

Home-bound loss of control. Steering wheel coated in honey.. leading me wrongly. Control/updating… files. Uninstalling/Miscellaneous energy sucking pop-ups. Everything HUSH HUSH on the down low.  ALL trusting the the dark winding road. I got GOD in my passenger seat. I’m never riding solo. Checking handles for open doors.. A cracked window. Just trying to get ahead.. Methodically, logically. Forget ³ steps ahead. At this pace I’ll end up dead. More like ten. I plan to WIN. One step at a time equates to.. too much idle time. An enemy of mine. I need to feel the pains from my hustle, shin splints, migraines. Restless leg syndrome from constant Grinding.. Legal documents binding. Major things happening. Literally designing a Picasso masterpiece from my life lessons of tsunami waves. Personal, mental breakdowns and meltdown. Sending shock-waves ALL the way back to the town. Leveling out to a category three catastrophe.♥I LOVE ME♥ ANYTHING AND ALL AFFILIATED WITH ME. Shine with me.

No more pain.  Please God make it go away. Foundation unsteady from ruptured love. God brings me back.. Holds me up..↑ Tips the cup.. Whispers in my ear “Don’t give up.” I got you love. . Suddenly the ocean calms. Rainbow sparkles.. Where did I go so wrong? I snap back to I.. Then hear again.. The past has past. Breathe Let go.. Breathe.. love Daddies here.

The pain shall dissipate.. Believe and wait.

For when the time comes you’ll be the first to know. For now my Dear Daughter, Sit back and watch yourself GROW. Look at yourself. I can vividly see your halo giving you that gorgeous golden glow. Your my daughter. I made you to perfection. This is something you should know. From a Father to a Daughter. I designed you just as you are.

You have downloaded a virus. Uninstall. Quarantine. Do as I say; Listen to me. You have been blessed with a case of consciousness. An abundance of information I see your processing. Unsure what to do with..

I am here holding your hand. Trust me. Next to you is where I stand. Your Father. Your #1 Man. I got this. I make the plan. Together as 1 we make this happen. I see the Masterpiece. It’s YOU. Standing right in front of me. Open your eyes.. My baby.