Phone Check √
Heart wreck. Quick recover. Freak
undercover. Four-play. Argue ALL day. Emotional display. Clarity. He instills in me. #1 concern ME. He loves me. He loves me I think.. a lot. Yeah right. He loves me most. No question. ALL-in love. Close overdose. No I guess. No hesitance. No I suppose.
A complete YES.
He holds my heart next to his. In his chest. Heartbeat. Sound check. My safe place. My save face. He is home. Intertwined bodies through a wormhole. Connected souls. Through prison phone. Everything about everything. He knows. Ruler of right. Apology of wrong. Forgiving of ALL. My obsession. ALL or nothing. He adores me. He glorifies me. Our love-story out does any movie I’ve ever seen. It’s so surreal. Outsiders think it’s make believe. He is the man. MINE. I’m not jealous I’m territorial with Mine. I am his lady. His partner. Significant other. His queen. His wife. His bitch. His baby. He knows my triggers and wholly accepts me as me. My off the chart level of bipolar crazy. He rubs my ass and spanks me. HARD. Over fifteen years he’s fluent in my DNA genetic matrix chart. He knows my favorite cock-tail. A splash of cream. I scream as he sedates me with his tongue. His voice. His words. His energy keeps me forever young. I age backwards. Zero to a Hundred in .2 seconds. He tranquilizes me in one sentence. Hypnotized. He always brings me back. That is a fact. Even if it causes him to almost break his back. His little monkey always attached. Needy. Greedy. He rarely complains. But, in an instant he will attack. He’s my everything. My crooked halo. My golden wings. No question we sold my platinum flawless wedding ring. Attorney fees. Do what we must. It’s ALL or nothing. It’s ALL about us. He calls the shots. Star player. I fully trust. I lust in love. Compulsive crush. Mad and deep. I kick and buck only when my gut flames up. Fire. Passion. I stand my ground. He respects my being. His perfect queen. He straightens my crown. He stands down. His crown jewel. He always listens. My greatest gift. My biggest wish. My absolute. I salute. HIM. I belong to him. I am his. 34.Qh8#. (NO) Stalemate. WIN-WIN. Dynasty.
For some reason… I’m making it very hard for you to love me. What all am I doing so wrong? Shall we make a list of all the wrongs you see in me? What keeps you from connecting your eyes with mine? Is it our limited time? I know I’m all over the place. Shaking our foundation like an unexpected sink hole in our soul. I’m so sorry to bring you added pressures. Added pains. It’s never intentional. My love levels never questionable. I lost myself in you. Beautiful beautifully you. Faded in your eyes? Just wanna be your girl.. and you my guy. What happened to us? Are we going to make it through? The constant bantering left me all bruised. So long life’s been on cruise – control so hard to let go. Holding on to every memory, last word in sync syllable for syllable. Come back to me. There’s enough in me to fight for you. If you need to lay it all out for me I’ll listen again. I’m strung out on love and your coldness has stung me intravenously in my soul. Grab the jumper cables. Enlighten me. Energize me. Don’t let me go. It’s a really bumpy part in our ever-changing windy winding road. We have been on this journey with one another constantly doubting and questioning each other. Please stop asking me for my plan. Make one with me. I’m not letting go. You belong to me. Your not going anywhere. Your stuck you see. Surrender completely to me and just… love… me. Unconditionally today and always…
My best friend. My confidant. What am I going to do with out you? I know I keep asking. Dazed and confused. When I miss you already today.. Is this punishment for labels and greed? The only way God could consciously awaken me? A dagger in my heart. ‡ A red glimpse of caution. An earthquake inside devastates the even still innocent pure inner me my motherboard= operating software supported by you.. So, you see why I continue to ask.. what will I do.. Exposing all cards. every fear, every lie, every spy on their side. Flushed with shards of heart. A shattered soul no doubt. Beats remain. Complete madness. Sick normality confirm insanity. Everything out of my control. Unraveling at the seams. This is more than a bad dream. Hold on tight to every single thread. Spending most of our departing hours in bed. Charging and recharging. Energy renewing life into a shell of a body on the verge of being pronounced “dead”. Heavy. Yes. For “all” involved. A catastrophe what will end in a Masterpiece. Trust in me is what I hear. From every angle. All my angels. Every new step in a direction.., I call change that instantly flips the feeling of fear into defiant pains. Will (← free) be back. Just you wait. These words are just your hors d’oeuvres for what’s in store. Consider yourself cordially invited. An open door.
This is my time to tighten my boots. lace yourself up and stay ready for this hand of your life. Straight. Memoirs of a Masterminds Hold Card.
I’m letting it out some days by whisper.. I’ll try not to shout. The goals to stay in control. Reacting only with kindness and truth. God is on our side. I feel him now. Yes! A Full House.
Stay continued.. to read and soon listen to real memoirs of a masterminds Hold Card. It has been hard. It will get harder. I refuse to throw in my hand. I will play these cards I’ve been dealt. Like Floyd says I’m a prize-fighter. I’m not fighting for no worthless belt. My words are heartfelt.
Years of secrets. Most quietly protected and kept. This information is truly privy. You have no idea the value of the gift you about to get. You might as well subscribe now. Tomorrow holds no promises.. My Memoirs are moving fierce in the direction of speed of light. I see a soon to be purely exclusive site.
You and me are written in stars. download me. upgrade to me and I shall grant you pure exclusivity.
I am God.
Today I will be handling all your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time not yours.
3:58pm Craving wedding cake… and no not pregnant. Just… I… “really love” wedding cake. When you don’t go out of your way to attend weddings.. Long, stunningly depressingly saddening weddings. (hey, you were the one pondering.. how I could not love weddings?!?) Okay so now you get it. With all that said, Now you can see how real wedding cake is a true treat and quite hard to come by. So, heres a taste of my delectable day! Bon appetite` sweets!
Secret yearnings of the desire to stake out a mission of an all day wedding cake taste test escapade! Perfectly moist… fluffy and rich! I’m drooling already! I can’t wait to taste! Frosted to perfection… oh how it melts so deliciously in my mouth.. such small bite sized samples. (I only think to myself) Yum, yummy sinful delights. This is not enough. These tiny little bitty bites of cakealicious delights… Ohh the bakery smells my eyes are closed. even still my hand unexposed.. heaven on earth is in my mouth.. So, delectably delicious. I wouldn’t choose to be anyplace else. Suddenly brought back…. Excuse me miss?? Oh my wedding date you say??? Posture instantly straight. Umm… can we please just taste another slice of cake? As, I also need to take my fiance` mastermind a variety of tasty cakes for today he could not make our wedding cake sampling date… he’s currently in outer space… expected back to earth.. weather permitting.. Tuesday… oh, anyway. My boys are here consulting me in making my decision in helping me sampling your tasty treats! While masterminds out of orbit. exhibiting stars. checking out pluto the demoted planet… with a quick stop at mars… Snap. Snap. Doe eyed hardly attainable chuckles and gasps. Oh, well thank you I say for your Congratulations and kind regards for my upcoming day. Oh yes we would all love a sample!!! Floyd.. Floyd.? Floyd??? I’ll take Floyd’s. Gerard’s as excited as I am well maybe that’s an over statement. But, we are here together on this secret mission. He’s just enjoying his fantasy bond boys facade.. Floyd’s embarrassment continues to deepen. secretly he’s loving every minute of it! refueling Gerard’s twisted form of pure entertainment.. Personally, I just want more cake. Stepping out… Pause. Wait.. What have I forgotten..? Masterminds cake…! Which, I’ll soon devour wont last a bit of eight…minutes. This kind girl packages Masterminds delicate assorted slices sealed and chilled safely for at least the next few hours. In time for his return. Little does she know..Masterminds at home last I checked or hmm you never know… maybe he’s deep at sea, or… hung up at Cern getting ready for the bang overall it’s really none of your concern. We’ll enjoy the mystique. You just work on the art of this technique.
Take control of the conversation.
What do you want?
Where am I taking you?
What do I want from you?
Years of ignorance. Outsiders looking in. Excitement and bliss ruled my sound world. Internally conscious. This took me my whole life. All the pre-programmed desires of needing to be a ridiculously financially secure mother and always desireable, adored wife and truly believing that was my “completion” in life. Now what do you think? Breathe, Hic-Up, Blink. Thoughts become reality (everything around you started with a thought). With the realization I truly am from another galaxy. Perfect as is? Yes & No. Defragment needed. Uninstalling this corrupted software often referred to as spyware. The very virus that quickly activates death-ware. Stare yourself in the mirror. Look beyond the glaring insecure stare. Don’t stop. Trust. Focus. Quickly all becomes clear. Doubled. Freedom in air. Don’t break your concentration. So much deeper to go. You’ll know when you’re in stereo.
Not your average girl. Not just a trophy for show. Stop for a minute. The power with in me is on overflow and releasing uncontrollably for the Gods have taken control of me. Externally a vision. Jaw dropper. Car stopper. Moon walker. Any hacker could not stop her. You got her (×2). Reboot your system. Rethink your vision. With your eyes you’ve witnessed gusts of winds to a steady ocean floor. Even with poked out lips and baby baring hips so phat her heart remained yours. Energy level inside her you judged to quick. System crash. Zapped. Nothing left. Zip.
Never. Just, taking my time quietly kept.
In most real form. Priceless intruety. Respectfully internally. Blessed externally. Compatibility: Twin software you manifested titled “me”…. With all this… ignorant heartbreaking thing we title “bliss” Defragment because you want to. I crashed my system and the rebuilds taken longer than expected. Kindness forgiving disrespect. A hold card never second guesses her place or dare ponder the thought of locked souls and pad locked gates. Learn me. Become fluent. My desires have changed. I no longer need any twenty-million dollar estate. I’m perfect as is at my teeny tiny not so usually generous so forgiving succulent desirable irresistable mouth-watering ridiculously perfection of shape.
I’m waiting password protected at the gate. P.S. Hurry up. Quit being consciously late. Upgrade?!?
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010
Dont take her kindness for weakness. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone you love. She put you above all else. Imprisoned in-house. Now that hair has began to gray. Subtle signs of unsuretys if he wished he’d chosen another way. Or will he weather this storm and protect the still unsealed cracks in the astronomical amount of foundation already laid. Ignorance is bliss. Some say. What’s this about God? Reflection in mirror this representation of my soulistic precious guarded interior. The beauty of a tear. drop… Stop! this madness. Insanity. No sadness. You desire a dime. Yet you have a quarter. A vision of beauty. A rare mix of DNA from every border. Do I follow these signs you consistently show? Or do I obsess over google earth at all the endless open space and windy roads? Poverty brought me possibilities of visions and dreams coded in only ways available for me to see. It’s completely your choice to join me. Let me show you me. Please allow me, take a breath. Want to know me? You always showin me. Are you seein me? Just doin me? Or are you just doin you? So, many years in living soul-y for you ♥
I miss myself you sea. The yearning has turned to pain and this river of mine runs deep. I’ve always played for keeps. A hold card of suits keeps me a float. Steady on my feet. I used to ask where she went. She’s been here all along… Time bent ∞ An infinite soul. Stages, Places and Time all an internal perception individually to each mind. Just as beauty… What is it truly? God has blessed me with more than most. I’m on overflow and he’s been with me now so long his personal perception is telling his mind that maybe… I’ve let myself go in retrospect. Just remind yourself my finger holds no shadow creating that magical programmed completion glow. Luckily my system has been updated, upgraded. Hacked into an impressive network with memory capabilities connecting with you compatibility aesthetically astounding this priceless creation is not just for show. All systems stay ready and programmed to go. I prefer Euros £
© memoirs of a mastermind 2010