Manifest..ing a healthier life for me..

On my bed I sit and wait for a sign of something great. I pause.. I sighhhhhhh….. Exhale.. (blink a crystal tear from my eye) BREATHE out ALL the old stagnant energy bloodsucking the life out of little tiny me. Ahh… as I invite new life and light into me.

The road turning every which way, through door after door, plane, automobile and train. This journey is meant for walking slowly taking my time.  One step at a time. No yellow brick road to follow.. Being a follower you end up swallowed. No bread trail.. to find my way home. For I AM God and God is I. Conscious that an ocean front home does not qualify.. just because of luxurious address. Anxiety and sadness every month the first comes.  Home is where  I am any moment in time. Home is love. Love has forced me to reevaluate my entire life. Pace my grind. ALL the while keeping my rpm in mind.

Life Line “GOD” I frequently call upon.. My forever unbreakable bond. More intense than a Bond girl. I’m far better than that.. I’m God’s girl. My dependable father.. I love you above ALL others.

Waiting on directions. Ready at ALL times. So, much sadness controlling a vast part of my life. I need you to fix this. I need your help. S.O.S. I wave my flag.. I sit patiently and wait for Dad.. God you are grand. I feel you grab my hand…

I’m open for suggestions.. I was nearly ready for Dr. Drew! But, like “Charlie” says I’m not bipolar I’m bi winning.  I’m trusting my intuition. I’m trusting “U”(niverse).

ALL of you. I’m letting you ALL in. I was ALL in when I started this. I’m loyal bitch. A rarity. I get this. If I could have three wishes… I would start with these Mega Millions riches. Enough paper to actually in ALL actuality TRUE reality set some things right. I AM a lotto ticket. I AM the prize. WINNER

So, starting with wish #1 I wish I may I wish I might..receive from you < these Mega Million WINNING numbers tonight! I love you.. God Bless and Good night.

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Life less interesting..

It’s difficult staying positive. Most difficult thing I ever did. My heart is bruised once again.Trusting in others, looking outside myself for a friend. Helpful nudge.. Bitter sweet fudge. Life continues on. I frown at the future. Prolonged pain. For living a life in vain. Eternal pain.. I try to understand.. With every fiber in my being. A no win situation. A battle field of wounded souls. Stolen hearts. From broken promises. Liars, thieves. Each stealing energy from me. I need a gateway. Escape rout. Other than myself… Making the best of this..mind fuck of a bucket list.. nightmare, ongoing hell road. Uphill, tumbling down.. land on a cloud.. Slide down a rainbow.. I WILL NOT HARBOR UNHEALTHY THOUGHTS go away.. bad angel.. Energy level low. Not a standstill. Stay ready to go.

THANKFUL FOR..

Many things to be thankful for. My table remains unset. My special china remains in a dark basement. No reason to send for.. Nobody to set the table for anymore. As you give your Thanks.. on this American holiday. Eyes closed. Hands held. Saying grace. Be thankful for ALL you have. ALL you are. Surrounded by love. Imagine sitting alone. In your home. No delectable smells of comfort. Only you. In awkward discomfort. Life is far from okay. These days have always added stress, uneasiness left feeling incomplete. I’m miserable right now. Sad.. Unsure.. about almost everything. What to cook.. What to eat.. No turkey losing their life for me.. Nope not going to happen. Warm up something in the fridge.. Make some stuffing..? Mac & Cheese.. Just me. Don’t need meat just cause it’s Thanksgiving.. I’m thankful for today. My family and.. even ALL the pain.. Creating change. I do NOT understand. But, it’s almost killed me. Doesn’t appear to be slowing down. Giving me a true near death experience. Grabbing tight to my sisters for strength. Praying they are still there when I awake. I don’t want them to watch me break. I’m supposed to be setting an example. More like an example of what and who not to be. Wish I could close my eyes and wake up the day after Thanksgiving. But, life does not work this way.. So, I ask you.. My friend Please say a prayer for me as you bow your head. Thank you. I Love you.. Please have a blessed Holiday celebration. Amen..*

Put your high heels on! I want to hear you walk.

Can hear it in my voice.. crickle  cr-ra-c-c-k.., Masterminds got something for me. Always ³ steps ahead.. Before he hears my voice. He already knows.. for he’s in my head. Yep, no doubt. Figured this out days ago.. Poppy already knew. Had a feeling when the last letter I wrote arrived in a BLUE velum envelope; addressed from restless wind.. Not a sin to withdraw.. introvertly • curtly • could careless.. about today.. or taking care of any serious business. “Oh you think not?”  he says back to me.. Poppy was ready for this baby.. Thank you LordOnce again.. You and Poppy got me. Time and time AGAIN…

Got a remedy for you. However, what your feeling inside.. for now, must be pushed aside. Looks can be deceiving.. Yes, this is very true. Even when in deep despair, sparkling tears soon appear. Wisping  away that unforeseen monsoon. Mother-nature taking over bringing flawless clarity to tonight’s starlit sky.. Like fine wine.. Full body. Keeps pleasing.. A sweet teaser to the eye. Shh…  that’s the Masterminds wife.

Immediately I put my high heels on! I say I’m slightly nervous.. with out him next to me.. my personal homeland security.. BREACH!

Hold on.. Mastermind has not gone far.. He is still right here in my mind & & back to me he says… “Feel me. Breathe me. I’m right here baby..You can do this! You don’t even need me. I see you little mama.. Put your high heels on. I want to hear you walkCLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK! Little Mama comin’ for you.. HUSH you got that! Not even knowing eight oh fives been secretly under attack. So, get them high heels on!”

Poppy, even if it’s 2am in the morning??? I’m just getting ready for bed.. brushing my brunette curly head. Thinking about me & you.. Laughing and giggling singing along ² all our sexhilarating songs.. we used to.. ooh & ah too.. Oh am I ever in the moment.. feeling kind of damp. Bout to press print & grab a postage stamp..

Three thirty-three I turn down my one thousand thread count premium satin sheets.. slip into my deep ruby silk gown.. Flowing from the ocean breeze. High Beams. High slit. High enough to easily slide a finger up through two thighs anxiously pulsating at my very sight.. Glowing from the climax building within.. Mmmm Mastermind..

CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK

Jewels making quite an entrance. Heavy in weight. Lifting me high. Able to breathe. Take for the sky. Flawlessly beaming with gleam from my light. I’m beginning to drift. High heels on.. In bed.. ALL alone.. Meet you in my dreams. Ready for a pillow fight of your life! Come on.., I got these high heels on! Born ready.. Stay ready. For the long haul. How do you say..? Marathon. Most definitely not a sprint. Not yet feeling the effect from severe shin splints. Feeling like a fairy princess in my creme de la creme Jimmy Choo high-heeled designer shoes.. got me all ready for this stint. In my dreams tonight. I feel you slip them off.. Time Bent.

“I see you little mama. My shining star. Shine baby SHINE. Show them what you working with”.. Thank you Mastermind. I’m here. Shining down. Shining around. Bright as sunlight. Can you feel me? Can you feel me? Rays extra high right now.. Shining strong. Energy and Love shining light extra bright right now. Got my aviator shades & my sky-high stiletto heels on.. right  now.. Confidence is peaking. My walk. Statement enough to call a public speaking. Event. UN-Preventative. I think YES. This is all apart of my personal conquest.  Like Paula says RUSH RUSH. Hold Card discreetly says HUSH HUSH. I’m not dimming my light right now..Silently taking it all in right now.. Finally.. out the dark.. I am able to breathe.. right now. A pure representation of the four C’s right now. Precise Brilliance of the letter IF Z right now..

Blessing in disguise

Jail-Cops-DUI-No goodbye… Understand??? How could I? Corrupt rookie cops, in search of overtime. Haters will be haters. A badge their right to passage? Seals their savage fate. Fighting for a cause founded on ignorance and hate. Okay. This is about to get good. Better than Waiting at the gate.!. Pour a drink. Smoke some smoke. Enjoy the free entertainment of our night of hell and terror in the hands of the LAPD. This is better than reality TV! Hearing it straight from my mouth. No producers editing my words out. Truly enforcing my first amendment freedom of speech. You’ll hear from both perspectives. Me as He & Me as Me. It’s been about a month or so…  This experience I like to refer to as another test.. has ever more awakened me. Crazily! By the very people tax dollars are taken from to protect me? You see… the only reason I am able to make light of this, Unbelievable LAPD wanna be gladiator intimidatory one-sided fighters.. is this misfortune was actually a miracle in our eyes a true blessing in quite the disguise! This meant to be occurrence just added years to both our lives. Thank you from the Masterminds wife.

(Me as He) In my heart I know.. another test to force her growth. I watch her heart-break as they take me away. I got a strong bitch so I know she will be okay. I’ll be back in a day which truly translates to roughly -28mths. off this current case. methodically planned out. Dotting all i’s & double-crossing my t’s. The life of a Mastermind.. My hold card held dear her words real. pure. This life has reinforced her. Thickened her skin. A muse of consciousness. Aware & alert. Decoding the signs, Understanding life’s actions accepting reactions, living in stereo with the divine. Balancing life.  A Masterminds wife. Yes, I have one bad bitch. She’s not offended by that. Keep listening to her and you will soon learn, if you don’t already. It’s nothing but respect=love.

How united are we?

Are any of you out their aware that the us government during hurricane Katrina locked away the prisoners in the prison? Reread that sentence if you need to. By the end of this post you will reread in sadness, anger and disbelief. My intention is not to stir anger. Ever. It’s to wake you up to consciousness.

So again, I say to you. These inmates were locked in their cells. Days prior to this catastrophe ALL televisions’ were removed. ALL radios were removed. ALL inmates were locked in their cells. ALL guards, warden and staff LEFT. Consciously Left these humans to die. While they (the halves) went home to secure the lives of their families, themselves, their animals, their home (material item) These inmates you may be thinking well.. They should have not got in trouble. Well.. To you I say. Not all prisoners/inmates/incarcerated humans are guilty and these in particular individuals were jailed for as minor as a traffic infraction. Misdemeanors. Were not talking death row. Which brings me to what if they were. Is it okay to let our fellow humans die? Rot? To judge, pass judgments. No, it is not. Don’t worry. That is a topic that will not be forgotten on my watch.