Thoroughbred

5760f7f5e3ae60a977cad29330328f84Sometimes you have to take a step back. Change position. New perspective. Even if viewing through blurry eyes. Change of pace. New York’s rat race to L.A.’s blasé dash and shake. How do I feel when I wake? At 8am or 4pm? Am I paying attention to my RPM? Life has away of slowing us down or speeding us up. It’s the moment we realize it’s not up to us. And in the same breath realizing we are in control of the wheel. Which way will I steer? Will I go South or East? Which way is the best way? What would Hawaii feel like? Would I feel trapped like Ginger on Gilligan’s island? Or would I feel safe from no attachment of bordering states? My mental state is calm and chaotic. Very mythotic. ALL Done with absolute logic. I know exactly what I want. Which in a away is haunting. Quite Daunting. My mind is road mapping. Even while napping. I contemplate. Which country? Which state? How BIG my dreams are! What dreams may come of pushing the bar thus far? Even in my dullest moment I know in my heart I was born a star. Where will I shine my light? Ignite? Take flight? I’m not happy. I don’t even like typing those words. I have so much I’m grateful for. To not be happy feels absurd. But, I’m not. I smile wide. To hide all inside. My body aches. I’ve sold myself short and that’s hard for me to take. How much longer am I going to wait? It’s time to let go of my belongings. All possessions that posses me. Capone is all I truly need. I look around my surroundings. What parallelizes me from setting myself free. Is ALL this worth it? I will not succumb to the vulnerability of me feeling lonely. I spend so much time alone. Choosing to be with myself over meet ups and talking on the phone. I let it ring. Nobody’s home. Go away. I’m working on my next play. It’s almost game-day. I have everything riding on this hand. That’s the difference between a plan and a master-plan. I think I can therefor I know I can. I AM a force with in. I have to believe I can do it with or without him. It’s up to me. I’m defined by me. Not him.  I need a moment to let that soak in. 

Broken in. Broke back. Wild to Thoroughbred. Watch out. She’s just about back. Visual. Creator. Couture. Demure. Brilliant. Thoughtful. Insightful. Deliciously delightful. Vanilla exterior. Chocolate interior. A rare breed. Old fashioned with a futuristic edge. I am the wind. I live my life close to the edge. I’ve been known to jump. I keep a close eye on me, myself and I. For we are all very different combined into one breathtaking disaster. Known as RY. I’m shy. I’m bolder then BOLD. My heart is hot and can instantly grow ice cold. I will not fit into your mold. I am not the woman to scold. I know my role. I know yours too. I’ll  hold you to it or I’ll walk through you. Dimensions. Conventional. Unforgettable. The girl you once knew. The girl who got through. Enchanting. Beautiful and precious. Clues given. Dues paid. Body of Jade (royal gem) symbol of good.

Embodies the Confucian virtues of wisdom, justice, compassion, modesty and courage, symbolizes the femme fatale. Erotic. Exotic. Hardness. Toughness. An enchanting range created through growing pains. Acquires a special attraction from those worth while. A vision floating on the Nile 4,000 miles. I wait for you. I shape for me. For me and me only. You no longer like what you see. You never understood me. You misread me. You dread me. You want to posses me. Place me in a cage. Suffocate me. Unlike glitter. Diamonds must breathe. After reading ALL this. What I am saying is realize my worth and accept me as I accept me. Imperfectly perfect.  I WILL NOT SUBMIT.

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