Changes are happening and I am so afraid. I can pull the covers over my head. But, when I awake guilt stricken at the loss of another day. This nightmares not going to go away. I’m conscious and in denial at the same time. If I could make just one wish it would be to rewind the hands of time. Then all wrongs could be made right and this sometimes depressing memoir I wouldn’t have to write.. I’d probably be in Africa taking pictures of giraffes and stuff in safari khakis singing, dancing, acting a nut. Living the real me. Not under twenty-four hour scrutiny of the pure irony of each and every misery held in contempt. No one to talk to. Nowhere to vent. Damaging our health. Depleting ourselves. Let it out. Let it out! Sometimes it takes a shout or two. To release my inner demons. My rage is off the rictor. It’s making me sicker than I was before.
FUCK I thought I already closed that door. Two dead-bolts and three master locks. My own locks been hit. Picked. Aware and conscious. Obviously asleep at the wheel. Should have set the alarm. Oh yeah.. (virus protection canceled).