Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM
Need to start writing again.. My end of the evening cleanse. Like journaling.. writing to ALL of you is a true form of therapy. Venting. Breathing through my pen. Letting you in.. Instead of just expecting you to understand.. why it’s taken me so long to come back.. Reflecting on my most intimate moments. Refueling your love. I miss your comments.. Must keep this blog running. Solid. No cracks. So, you ALL continue to show love and have a reason to check back. Check on me.. No more holding back.. No matter how HEAVY life continues to get.. I shall never forget. ALL the love. ALL the support. ALL the feedback. Reminders. Fuel for court. I have shut down again in a sense. Moving ultra fast. Different location. Everyday new destinations. Attempting to fit as much as each new day allows. No longer stopping long enough to write about what happens on my journey of my daily prowl.. Becoming as direct as Simon Cowell. I blot my forehead after HOT yoga with a downy softened towel. Stopping to write means forcing myself to rethink , relive, re-breathe the pain I just exhaled. Moving onto the next obstacle, next step keeping my stamina for what I know is coming next…
I close my eyes in hopes to forget. Push aside. No more puff puff pass.. to subside the anxiety lurking inside. If I stop to
explain I mean say.. anything about any I mean ALL of it.. I may just possibly sink quicksand deep. With no coming back. Because……………………….. I’m tired. I truly am. I arrived here.. to what feels like a whole new planet.. Instantly to massive wait. I came ready for battle. As if I were conditioning for Kuwait. BAM, BOMB, HATE, FATE, State of disaster, Fast. FasT, FASTER! One thing after another. CONFLICT. Mishaps. Compiling. Merging disasters! Passing by mirrors. I don’t recognize this girl. Only reacting to smoke signals. Everything most important. Love potent. Directing me. Through feeling, desire, GOD. Time moving FAST. No moment appears to last. Replaced by Rage. Igniting to flames carried along in the wind. Love conflicted with Sin. Stretched…. ALL the way out. THIN. In weight as in wealth. Gaining richness as in health. I bide my time. Needed. De-pleated. Sucked empty. Manuka honey. I find very little funny. Serious as I want to be. I AM energy. Resourcefulness enough to lighten up a mood. Brighten up a room. Flip you like a light-switch your attitude. Smiling with sincere gratitude. Blessed, Happiness, Luck, Joy I exude when I AM ON. off I shut down when I am alone. Calming my inner soul. I speak to my Grandpa with such.. clarity. Crisp clear words flow from my lips. I practice patience where he lives. I am forced to slow down . Becoming.. gentle. Docile with a fiery inner strength. I choose my words with great care. I do not curse. I feel blessed beyond words to have this time. As time is limited. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime and into the next. I keep my telephone near. To hear the calls I anticipate daily. My daily bread. Lifelines. Hanging up recharged. In bed at night I say my prayers. No-longer picking up my pen. Feeling power in my prayers. My God. Granting my desires. Forgiving my sins. Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM.