Brunette locks. Gold shocks. Air pressure on tilt. Need water. Looking slightly wilt-ed. Warm and comfy bundled inn my homemade quilt from miscellaneous scrap material pieces. To me a treasure like the family kieshla. Kinda an inside secret. A stunning family heirloom. Memories to surely leave you speechless. Moved back to the town.. Had to learn to turn my frown upside down. It’s a hard knock life. Your never fully dressed without a smile for sure and for me my smile happens to be my sword. Every night I’m on me knees.. Praying to the Lord. Please God wont you save me! I surrender.. Done with my kicking and screaming. My star is beginning to brighten. Damn that I’m beaming. Eating. Appetite is back. Give me a few more months.. Between that and HOT A$$ Yoga.. I’m bout to be stacked. ALL coming full circle. This was a hell of a test. I was a hell of a mess. Oh me oh my.. Life has been a fight. ALL adding to my story. Glory. Sun-dance kid. Missionary. Visionary. Sworn in to secrecy. HUSH hush.. baby. You better not say a word. ha-HA-ha-HA-ha Were coming for you. Door number two. Running through. Shiny lights. Taking flights. Mesmerized. By my skull-cap and contact eyes. shy. ALIVE. Blue eyes tonight.. Shiny Golden high-lights. Snow-white wrangler. Hard top. Coming through. Edgy. crystal clear. blunt free. AHCHOO! bless me. bless me. Life in the fast lane. Carpool lane. Riding dolo. With a crazy team. Powder puff cream puffs. Popping Rolo’s. Pit stop – Me and Ms. Molly.. Feeling real jolly. Pollinating. Politicking. Time. No ticking. Whispers of love.. Passed to my sisters. Triplicity. Tinkerbell casting spells.. Fairy dust.. glitter. designer skin shimmer. glow angels with halos on tilt. Motivated by the best. Quadruplicating our quest. Wont stop. Don’t know how to stop. Tried to take me down.. a very windy road. Cut throat. Nearly washed away by the stormy coast. Giving up ALL flesh. Alive and Dead. Hard to rest. No more roast. Sleep in bed alone. Holding my ground. Protecting my throne. I see you.. seeing me. I got a royal flush.. ALL hearts. Am I bluffing? Are you brave enough to call me? I’m ALL in. Get the fuck outta here.
on tilt
Posted in Thoughts with tags Art, Arts, Business, Fairy, Family, Full Tilt Poker, Games, God, IPhone, Lord, Online Writing, Perspective control lens, Profiterole, Recreation, Tilt (poker), Tinker Bell, Video Games, Wine tasting descriptors on November 17, 2011 by hold cardgrandpa
Posted in Thoughts with tags Activism and Peace Work, Arts, Family, God, Grandpa, Grandparent, Peace, Romance on October 4, 2011 by hold card
to function or not to function. is that the question?
my Grandfather would not only want me to function. but, persevere and LIVE boldly, simply, humbly with love through love. he surrounds me at this very moment. will forever be a part of me. energizing me. pushing me. fueling me through love. my strength, my heart, my universe. my Grandpa. aka my father, my provider, my confidant, my King. a true supreme being. dignified with truth blue eyes. an extraordinary magnificent human being. whom is already so missed. now in the heavens living eternal bliss. i shall never forget his last breath. my last kiss laid upon his tender cheek. day and night by his side a mountain climbed so very steep. glossy eyes. starry skies. the brightest star lights up the sky. shining through my soul and out my eyes. radiating a glow from my perfectly placed golden halo. to know or not know is not a question. not for me.
he meant what he said and said what he means. he walked the path. never followed. always lead. listening to me. guiding me. unconditionally loving me. never, not ever judging me. what i know for sure is that my Grandpa loved me. adored me. believed in me. he still does. always will. through his peace. he fills me up with strength, calmness and serenity.
forever and always, may you rest in peace. i love you Grandpa. your brown-eyed girl.
Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM
Posted in Thoughts with tags American Idol, Arts, blessing, God, Happiness, Health, Kuwait, Manuka honey, Religion and Spirituality, Simon Cowell, Wine tasting descriptors, X Factor on September 17, 2011 by hold card
Need to start writing again.. My end of the evening cleanse. Like journaling.. writing to ALL of you is a true form of therapy. Venting. Breathing through my pen. Letting you in.. Instead of just expecting you to understand.. why it’s taken me so long to come back.. Reflecting on my most intimate moments. Refueling your love. I miss your comments.. Must keep this blog running. Solid. No cracks. So, you ALL continue to show love and have a reason to check back. Check on me.. No more holding back.. No matter how HEAVY life continues to get.. I shall never forget. ALL the love. ALL the support. ALL the feedback. Reminders. Fuel for court. I have shut down again in a sense. Moving ultra fast. Different location. Everyday new destinations. Attempting to fit as much as each new day allows. No longer stopping long enough to write about what happens on my journey of my daily prowl.. Becoming as direct as Simon Cowell. I blot my forehead after HOT yoga with a downy softened towel. Stopping to write means forcing myself to rethink , relive, re-breathe the pain I just exhaled. Moving onto the next obstacle, next step keeping my stamina for what I know is coming next…
I close my eyes in hopes to forget. Push aside. No more puff puff pass.. to subside the anxiety lurking inside. If I stop to explain I mean say.. anything about any I mean ALL of it.. I may just possibly sink quicksand deep. With no coming back. Because……………………….. I’m tired. I truly am. I arrived here.. to what feels like a whole new planet.. Instantly to massive wait. I came ready for battle. As if I were conditioning for Kuwait. BAM, BOMB, HATE, FATE, State of disaster, Fast. FasT, FASTER! One thing after another. CONFLICT. Mishaps. Compiling. Merging disasters! Passing by mirrors. I don’t recognize this girl. Only reacting to smoke signals. Everything most important. Love potent. Directing me. Through feeling, desire, GOD. Time moving FAST. No moment appears to last. Replaced by Rage. Igniting to flames carried along in the wind. Love conflicted with Sin. Stretched…. ALL the way out. THIN. In weight as in wealth. Gaining richness as in health. I bide my time. Needed. De-pleated. Sucked empty. Manuka honey. I find very little funny. Serious as I want to be. I AM energy. Resourcefulness enough to lighten up a mood. Brighten up a room. Flip you like a light-switch your attitude. Smiling with sincere gratitude. Blessed, Happiness, Luck, Joy I exude when I AM ON. off I shut down when I am alone. Calming my inner soul. I speak to my Grandpa with such.. clarity. Crisp clear words flow from my lips. I practice patience where he lives. I am forced to slow down . Becoming.. gentle. Docile with a fiery inner strength. I choose my words with great care. I do not curse. I feel blessed beyond words to have this time. As time is limited. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime and into the next. I keep my telephone near. To hear the calls I anticipate daily. My daily bread. Lifelines. Hanging up recharged. In bed at night I say my prayers. No-longer picking up my pen. Feeling power in my prayers. My God. Granting my desires. Forgiving my sins. Blessed. Oh Yes, I AM.
Fantasy “Me”
Posted in Thoughts with tags Floetry, Fuck, Goapele, Janet Jackson, Jill Scott, Kiss, Pinot noir, Relationships, Sexual intercourse, Wine tasting descriptors on August 15, 2011 by hold card
Early, late.. Depending how you look at it. Missing you.. Wishing I could’ve crawled into bed with you.. (huge problem) HUGE. Inserting myself between the sheets.. My whole, full body.. fine like vintage wine.. absent of you. Not there waiting.. rushing me, or carrying me.. tucking me in…
When that day does cum again.. and yes, it shall cum. I am going to appreciate you that much more. Everything, you, us, so much. I have in store for you. More than just a trick or two.. or three or four…. Fuck it keep the lights on. DON’T close the door. Leave the window open while you’re at it.. or shall I say we’re at it.. Naked.. HOT pink patent leather peek a boo six-inch heels.. kissing and caressing you.. I start with your neck, moving to your ear, then to your d.. uhh you know what. I have a big mouth. You, yourself well en-doubt.. MMmmmm my extra long tongue.. You squirm.. as you’re not ready to cummmmMMmm.. It’s okay.. daddy.. we’ll do it again, again and again.. Passion to fun, romance to grunge. Tasting ALL of you. Taking my time to satisfy you. KISS ME. Devour me. Conquer me while I submit. Taking in your scent.. Loving every single thing about you.. My King. Your Queen Jewel. Tease you.. I need not. We already tied the knot. Fully committed. Infatuated, obsessed, smothering you while we make love and fuck. Janet Jackson, Maxwell, Goapele, Jill Scott.. Surpassing 12 rounds.. Championship/Mastermind bound. Taste me. Don’t stop. Just kicking off my heels.. For something a little.. more enticing.. Strapping on stiletto highrise thigh highs.. BLACK, matte, Leather. Stitched with army green threading. Getting on top.. Riding wild. Pretty girl rock style. NOW SAY MY NAME. That’s an order. Fair exchange, No robbery. Please honey.. I’ll do a couple squats for you.. Dog-down position. Doing that thing I do.. Driving you sexually insane. Submitten’. while you give yourself to me.. Pumping mad blood through your veins. Pulsating. Convulsing. I want it ALL. Every fiber of your supreme being.. Pinot Noir in hand. Damn near doing a one hand, hand stand.. In our two-man band. Play me.. Play with me.. No auto tune needed.. We are fully in sync. Kinky, freaky, so dripping wet.. I’m squeaking..
Drip..
drop.. puddle of love.. flowing.. like Floetry.. Little yous swimming inside my chamber. Glowing I am. Radiating our synced energy. I’m still ready… Madly, deeply, in love. Secreting.. Deeper.. DEEPER.. push.. HARDER screaming in perfected ecstasy. As your inside of me.. Grinding with me.. to the sounds of love. Feening.. for more and more.. don’t stop.. Not ever. Watch me as I shiver.. in orgasmic bliss. KISS ME. Your my forever crush.. Giving me a fucking rush.. honeymoon love. Well after a decade. Your personal lush.. more like luscious.. lips. Phat. Up and down. So, tiny you spin me round and round, my personal mary-go-round. Our sexual playground.. Friend or foe.. Fuck that hug.. I’m ready to suck. Lick and Love. Round fourteen. It’s official. I’m aDICKted . Cumming back for more and… more. Loving our open door policy.. Nipples hard. Your direct. Erect. Just about four am.. Do we need to think about if we want to get another session in..? Fuck control. You’ve taken over me. Just the way I love..
Choke me. Fuck me. Spank me. Pull my pony-tail. You’re the fucking me best! Got me seeing in stereo. Just a moment while I straighten my halo. Your dark angel.. Kinky and playful. Naughty and sweet. Better than a hash sprinkled treat. Gorgeous feet. Adore me Poppy.. You got a bad bitch. Fantasize with me. But, you better only have eyes for me. Lastly, slide your tongue across my clit.. Give me a treat.. while I show you my tricks.. Lickity splits. Humming with ice-cubes. I’ll be a fool for you. Sweet and silly. DARK. With no frilly.. Panties. I prefer nothing. While you dust me in diamonds.. ALL pressure between my legs. Flawless and starstruck by.. US.
Peaked
Posted in Thoughts with tags Abuse, Business, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, God, hate, International Space Station, lost, love, Manned, Missions, New York, Outer space, pout, pray, space, stress, Technology, translate, trust, truth, violate on August 3, 2011 by hold card
Wrenching. Stench of terror. Despair. Scorned. Violently awake. Shaken. Shook. Crooked. Steep creep. Can’t. Won’t. Refusal. Refute. Futile. Denial. Cry. Pain. Shame. Infamous. STRESS. West. Longing for a bullet in the chest. Peace. Serene. Rest. Left.. Question.. Everyone. I’m the crazy one. Emotionally challenged. A beautiful wreck. With an elegant neck. Train wreck. Expectations.. Exasperated. Breathing on a ventilator. Unbalanced equator. Abuse. Used too. Abuser: Self made. Hatred. Shapeless. Darkness. Cartwheels in a past life. Distant eyes.. Lifeless. Shouted out. Permanent pout. Dazed. Unconfused. Forever bruised. Deep purple, cobalt blue. True. Real. Raw. Tell me have you seen her..? A fragment of what’s left of her.. Being.. Cream.. Dream… of that girl.. I used to know. Pure like winter snow. Darkened by contaminated guilt.. Spilled milk. Crowd control. Floored. In the corner. Holding my knees. Daggered. Watch my heart bleed Out. Crouching tiger. Hidden dragon. Drip drop. Tick tock.. Stop watch. Gods clock. Road block. Violation. Destination.. Space station.. Ready for take off.
Is this ALL a lesson to see what I’m made of? Crumbling. Numbing.. Mind blowing.
Point blank
Posted in Thoughts with tags Arts, breaking point, broken, cause and affect, choose life, enough, fragility, Health, heart, king midas, love, me, misery, pain, Pain management, point blank, preserver, Promise, Surround sound, The Air I Breathe on July 22, 2011 by hold card
Breaking point. I lie here at 2:55 am. While the rest of the world is asleep. My insides in painful knots. My nerves and nails completely shot. Unhappiness and pain all around. Life so intense, in surround sound. Yes, my heart is made of glass. Fragile, under strenuous conditions I’m wearing fast. Today my last day of wearing a mask. I’m tired and tired enough to say it aloud. I am only in control of myself. This morning I am making a personal commitment to myself.
“I promise to love me first.”
Love.. as a whole is affecting me in ways only I truly know.. I understand love on a deeper level. I understand what it feels like to fight with ALL my might. I do not have the Midas touch. .
It’s taken me 32 years to “believe” that from this moment forward. I love myself enough to remove myself from anything that causes me heartache or pain. Not because I don’t care. Because, I’ve taken ALL I can bear. No longer accepting misery. To toxic to the air I breathe. The consumption takes over me. Becoming apart of me. Zapping little energy left in me. Spreading like wild-fire to ALL I love. No matter what. I am done. Enough is enough. It is me that I have to begin to love. Because at 3:14 my day is long over.. And it is still difficult to breathe. It is I that must nurse my heart. Wipe my tears. Cut through tension. Dissect the definition of perseverance. No longer running interference. No more. I stand my ground. This is my breaking point. Sound. No more face to face. I have said what I’ve said. Nothing more to say. This is me saving my life. A broken heart piecing it back together part by part. Some of them on back order. Foreign.. I love myself enough to say I’m worth more. Misery, discontent, hellbent. No more.
Reshuffle
Posted in Thoughts with tags Cabinet shuffle, choose, Collecting, compassion, Libya, life, love, loyal, Manmohan Singh, miracle, Opposition (Australia), Recreation, truth, United States Department of State, Victoria Nuland, Virtue on July 14, 2011 by hold card
Think it’s only natural I’m crashing. Running hard. Running on fumes. Keeping you out the loop. Sadness, despair, surrounded by suicidal thoughts.. Lifelines taking mine. Trickling toxicities into u. Us. Rush Rush.. For what? I feel so stuck. Afraid to move. Afraid to get into a groove. Everybody frozen unsure what to do. I don’t know how to play chess. What I would do to lay in my safe place.. Your chest. Ohhh boy this has been a massive clean up. Life such a mess. What’s the longevity.. In ALL this sadness. Cracked out drama. No giggles, no smiles. I check them at each and every door. No, my my my system has gone haywire to bogged down for a restore.
Restore to what? To who? Life getting the best of me, us, u have left my heart bruised. No more shades of soft bubble gum pink. I’m black and blue. Attitude sad, frustrated hint of rude.
Dude, get it together. Disheveled and beautiful.. dark angel. Keep working on polishing your halo. I’m not ready to exit. Even with the mess I’m in. I still see my life as blessing and.. I have work still to be done. Just tired, exhausted.. A ton of boxes to unpack. Memories.. Getting the best of me each road I travel down I check myself in the rearview.. Little me. Big frown. Chin up. Hair down.
No plan. Crumpled map. Yet, I know this city. That’s right. I just don’t know this me. Contaminated. Searching for a vaccine. A cure.. Praying with ALL my heart for a miracle. A voice of reason. A new season. A palate to taste at ALL. Living off fast food.. Darkening my mood. No fuel. No desire. I miss my inner fire.. Screaming so loud sound like a whole children’s african choir.
Heavy, heavy, heavy. No ultimately I will be okay. I have strong faith. In me, in us. In who you are. I’m in the battlefield. Signing up.. I knew for certain would leave scars. Now, im in the driver’s seat.. No more copilot for me. Driving dangerously at high altitude speeds. ALL out of character for me.
My destiny will be what it’s going to be.. Doesn’t mean it’s not just about to kill me.. While I’m slowly… Slowly.. Rebooting. Choosing.. Running olympic speeds from the guilt. Afraid of sunlight in possibility I may melt.. Just playing the cards I have been dealt. I’m the hold card. One of the toughest cards in the deck. Shuffling and demanding a reshuffle. Accused of counting cards. I’m intelligent but not that so.. Just watching, listening and analyzing waiting for an open door. Need more time for what’s in store.. Your ALL I got. Never forget the power you possess. My guide on this ever so lonely quest. Wish I had a little one for a nightlight. Someone to hug and hold me and to tuck in at night.. I wish I may.. I wish I might.. I’m praying for a miracle. Please reciprocate. Double or nothing. Split them. I can’t help. I’m a loyal bitch. This is who I am. I have been ALL in from the shuffle.
Scrapes, bruises, broken heart.. Never ending scuffles.. I’m still breathing. I’m still standing. Ch’in up. Just could use.. A clue. Never forget my love and compassion is my greatest virtue..
